Oct 18, 201612:02 PM
The Lighter Side
Exploring the humor and peculiarities of the Big Easy
How to make it to Election Day
2016. It’s kind of sad looking back on New Year’s Eve 2015 and all the hopes we had; all the dreams to make 2016 the greatest year ever. And now look at us. It’s like we’re stuck in Marty McFly’s bizarro world from "Back to the Future 2." Did something happen along the way that wasn’t supposed to happen? Something around the beginning of 2016 that cursed the whole year? Was it Leonardo DiCaprio finally winning that Oscar?
I know I’ve written about it before, but this year just seems extra harsh. Maybe it’s the full moon or the full “Hunter’s Supermoon” that’s making everything so crazy. Whatever it is, I’m ready for it to be over. And I’m especially ready for this election, which is possibly the worst thing to happen to 2016, to be over.
Every presidential election tends to get ugly, but this election year fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. It’s certainly the worst in my lifetime.
And here’s the thing, all the arguing and mudslinging at this point is totally useless. Most people already know who they’re voting for, and at this stage in the game, that’s probably not going to change. This last homestretch is just a screaming match from each side; and it starts to sound like the adults in Charlie Brown – which solves nothing. People’s minds are made.
But the anticipation is killing me. I just want it over with. I feel like nothing could get much worse than the spot we’re in at this exact moment, but then it actually somehow does. And I’m so done. I’d really like to just take one big nap until election day, but I can’t do that. What I did to fix the current state was come up with a few things that could help, if you just want to retreat and hang back until it’s time to actually cast your vote.
1. Stay off Facebook. It’s the worst. Facebook is like the pit of despair right now. If you can’t stay off Facebook, hide the people that make scrolling through your feed a risk for a heart attack or a stroke. If you need a social media fix, try Tumblr or Instagram. On Tumblr, I mainly follow Star Wars and makeup blogs – people with my same interests. I don’t follow anyone who’s inherently political and it’s a breath of fresh air compared to Facebook.
2. If on Facebook, do not engage in political comment-baiting statuses. I repeat, DO NOT ENGAGE. Note to self: please take own advice.
3. Avoid all news shows and channels. I suggest watching only cable or Netflix. This would be an excellent time to catch up on "Stranger Things" and "Luke Cage." This might be tough, as I understand the need to stay informed, but during these next few weeks, I just don’t think it’s worth it. The news will still be there on the Wednesday after the election. It might be just as depressing, and perhaps even more so, but at least we shall know our fates as the American people. But for right now, I feel like some news or social media is a lot like that part in the movie Billy Madison where the principal addresses his audience. He says, “what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.”
Yep. That pretty much nails it. I’ll just be over here catching up on "Daredevil."
4. If anyone around you starts arguing about the election, such as at work or at the dinner table: just shout over everyone, “I will take it! I will take the ring to Mordor!” It works every time. Anyone who doesn’t get that it’s a Lord of the Rings reference will look at you like you’re crazy, and anyone who does will start laughing. Either way, it diffuses the tension and the subject is changed to how much of a nerd you are. It’s a necessary sacrifice.
5. Avoid people. This one is easy and avoiding is great. Do you have extended family members that drive you crazy with their paranoid political talk? Avoid. What about your significant other’s parents? Double avoid. They’ll still be there after the election, and hopefully the dust will have settled so we can all have some nice holidays together.
6. Watch Independence Day. Of course, all of this is to be taken with a grain of salt (as a lot of my blog writing is pretty tongue-in-cheek), but hear me out on this. I’ve been wondering what in the world could unite us at this point, what could bring us all together for the greater good? Republican, democrat, independent, etc … how in the world could we ever actually work together? The answer is alien invasion. Just think about it, we’d all get together in a heartbeat. We’d think, “what’s a republican? Who cares! Because aliens!” For some reason, that brings me comfort. Call me crazy.
I watched the movie a few days ago and Bill Pullman’s presidential speech gets me every time.
“Mankind -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution -- but from annihilation.”
Best presidential speech ever. It just makes me want to hug everybody.
Can Bill Pullman run for president?