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Jan 11, 201810:01 AM
Haute Plates

Our weekly blog on the New Orleans fine dining scene

New Year, New Predictions!

 

Welcome back, kids. I’m proud to continue my annual series of wildly successful and incredibly accurate predictions here at Haute Plates Industrial Markers and Betel Nuts, LLC. Once more I will give you, dear readers, the benefit of my prescience. I trust you will use this fore-knowledge only for good!

I predict that the next trendy “Ethnic” Cuisine will be: Andorran. This tiny stunner of a nation wedged into the mountains that divide France and Spain is a real up-and-comer. Think: “what if a Basque hillbilly learned a little Portuguese, but also spoke French,” and you’re halfway to understanding the wonders of Andorra. It’s a humdinger of a micro-state.

But it’s not all goats and yodeling in Andorra; not hardly! There’s food as well. Andorra is an alpine nation, and not a formal member of the EU. This means there’s a lot of snow and no sales tax. There’s almost no arable land in Andorra, but the hills, dales and terrifying crevasses are great for sheep, which are consumed in massive numbers.

I predict that 2018 will see the opening of no less than four Andorran-themed restaurants serving the country’s national dish, which as I’m sure you’re aware is a stew/soup called Escudella. The restaurants will all be located on Magazine Street between Napoleon and Jefferson.

In the past, we’ve elevated cocktails, tea and coffee to high status, using terms such as “bespoke,” “craft” and “pretentious” to describe formerly mundane drinks. In 2018, we’ll do the same with … water. I predict water bars with meticulously curated selections poured from taps designed in some Nordic country that, through some patented process involving a lot of umlauts, keeps the H20 “immaculate.”

You will pay a great deal for small, recycled cups of water that, surprisingly, you can distinguish from each other or at least from the distilled water you are given in between “courses” or “water flights.” Problems will arise late in the year when proponents of “raw” water run afoul of health codes after untreated water from the Mississippi that has more “terroir” in a literal sense than figurative sickens fourteen tourists visiting from Greenpoint, New York.

We will continue the predictions in a future edition of Haute Plates; in the meantime, please share your own guesses for the coming year in the comments.

 

 

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Haute Plates

Our weekly blog on the New Orleans fine dining scene

about

Robert D. Peyton was born at Ochsner Hospital and, apart from four years in Tennessee for college and three years in Baton Rouge for law school, has lived in New Orleans his entire life. He is a strong believer in the importance of food to our local culture and in the importance of our local food culture, generally. He has practiced law since 1994, and began writing about food on his website, www.appetites.us, in 1999. He mainly wrote about partying that year, obviously.

In 2006, New Orleans Magazine named Appetites the best food blog in New Orleans. The choice was made relatively easy due to the fact that Appetites was, at the time, the only food blog in New Orleans.

He began writing the Restaurant Insider column for New Orleans Magazine in 2007 and has been published in St. Charles Avenue, Louisiana Life and New Orleans Homes and Lifestyles magazines. He is the only person he knows personally who has been interviewed in GQ magazine, albeit for calling Alan Richman a nasty name. He is not proud of that, incidentally. (Yes, he is.)

Robert’s maternal grandmother is responsible for his love of good food, and he has never since had fried chicken or homemade biscuits as good as hers. He developed his curiosity about restaurant cooking in part from the venerable PBS cooking show "Great Chefs" and has an extensive collection of cookbooks, many of which do not require coloring, and some of which have not been defaced.

Robert lives in Mid-City with his wife Eve and their three children, and is fond of receiving comments and emails. Please humor him.

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