I’m staring at my four-foot Christmas tree lit in red, green and blue with ornaments dangling perilously in range of my cat’s quick jabs. I’m sweating. I’m weary. Why you ask? Because Melanie dropped the bomb on me that she needed my Christmas wish list RIGHT NOW. About four hours later, I had a list of four items and called it a day. Proving, once again, that I’m just not the type that is comfortable asking for or receiving presents. However, I do have a wish list for our favorite New Orleans teams. Let’s go.
And let’s just handle the awesomely obvious rhinoceros in the room that is Babycakes, Babycakes, Babycakes! Your favorite toddler-based mascot will hopefully be under all of our trees this weekend and on Monday we can look each other in the eye wondering what the hell we were thinking. For the future, just count me in on any teams whose logo is a baby holding any sort of weapon.
Speaking of weird, the New Orleans Saints — as I write this on Monday afternoon — aren’t officially out of the playoff hunt yet. The only things that need to happen for the Saints to get into the playoffs are – the Saints and Bears win out (so…), and the Redskins and Packers lose out. Then, Carolina only needs to beat Tampa Bay. Hey, the city of Chicago was colder than Mars last weekend so weird things happen people. Anyway, give your always-believin’ friends this playoff simulator from the New York Times. It’s fun for the whole family, unless you’re the family that needs the Chicago Bears to win out to make the playoffs.
I’m not opposed to vampire movies, but I missed out on the “Twilight: Teen Night” movies. I think that’s what they were called. The last fanged features I sunk my teeth into (boom) were “Let The Right One In,” “Near Dark" and "Cronos.” Why am I talking vampires? Because I’m drunk and I think this blog is about Halloween. Just kidding (sort of). No, I want to give the New Orleans Saints fans a wooden stake to drive into the Atlanta Falcons playoff dreams on Jan. 1. The Saints aren’t going to the playoffs for the third year straight so that’s the best present one could still give WhoDat Nation.
A one-way plane ticket for Mickey Loomis. ‘Nuff said.
A Popeye-style can of spinach for the man, the myth, the legend — Anthony Davis. He’s returned to his monster ways this season and one day, some way will have a team around him that will get him back into the playoffs. Davis is averaging 29 points and 10 rebounds a game while hitting 49.6 percent of his shots and 81.3 percent from the charity stripe. Outshining these MVP-caliber numbers is his hustle on the court. One day Pelicans fans will get to see Davis, Jrue Holiday and Tyreke Evans play a long stretch of games together because Santa Claus IS REAL.
Maps are a good old-timey gift to give to someone and, according to Miss South Carolina 2007 very, very important for…something. I want to give a bunch of maps to all of the Tulane Green Wave fans that don’t bother to show up to games. Where are you? You have new blood in the Football and Men’s basketball ranks. Check them out! More importantly, you have winning programs in Women’s basketball and the Green Wave baseball team — a team that not only wins but also has returned to its rightful place as a Top 25 program in the nation. Get thee to Uptown, people! Also, do yourself a favor and click that link above and remember how awkward Miss South Carolina once made you feel.
How about a red carpet for Blake Dean? Or better yet a royal blue carpet? Because that’s exactly what the school should be rolling out for Dean whenever he is on campus after resurrecting the Privateers baseball program last year. A 31-26 record might be ho-hum at some programs but not for one that went 53-199 in the previous five seasons. Another solid campaign could have bigger conferences sniffing around the Lakefront.
When was the last time someone asked you if you liked Eddie Money? Yeah, I don’t know either but it’s one of my favorite questions. Honestly, act like you’re a hardcore Eddie Money fan and watch the look in people’s eyes.
So, congratulations to Leonard Fournette and Christian McCaffrey for taking their “Two Tickets to Paradise” and skipping their teams respective bowl games. And if you’re a so-called fan spitting vitriol at the pair on social media you really, really need a new hobby. I’m surprised there aren’t more players that take this route. Why play in a nothing bowl and chance ruining your career via an injury? Remember Marcus Lattimore’s (yes, not in a bowl game) career essentially ending on one play? Football is a brutal sport in which running backs take a lot of punishment. NCAA programs have made millions off the sweat of young men for decades. It’s fine if two of them give up their last NCAA game to go make some millions of their own.
Another gift is one that doesn’t even have to be given during the month of December. We can give to those in need any day we want and I promise you’ll feel like you just gave someone the gift they’ve always wanted. Here are a few ways to help out people we see everyday – Coats for Kids, Second Harvest Food Bank and the United Way Southeast Louisiana. Help somebody out, folks. Sometimes it’s as easy as looking around your house.
Thanks for stopping by, friends. I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and I hope you get all of the gifts you’ve ever wanted and nothing but love from your friends and family.
No matter how you celebrate the holiday, celebrate it well.
And like a fine wine with a steak dinner, every good time should be accompanied by a beverage and song.