If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a thousand times.  Mothers and their daughters come into Old.New.Blue butting heads over the details of a wedding. Here is a little insight from a wedding planner who has also married off two of her own daughters.

Moms – Learning that your daughter is getting married brings such a rush of emotions.  Happiness and excitement are often mixed with trepidation and a hint of sadness.  While planning your daughter’s wedding is something that all mothers dream of, it is easy to get tangled in a tug of war of wills when the plans start falling into place.  I know that all daughters think their mothers are pushy.  Truthfully speaking, being pushy has been our job their entire life, so why stop now?  It’s easy to feel as though we’ve earned the right to exert our influence over the biggest day in their life.  Many of us feel like our daughters couldn’t possibly undertake the task of planning a wedding without our sage advice.  The truth is, our girls are grown now, and this is not our day.  It’s a tough pill to swallow, but is really is NOT our day. Even if we are footing the bill, paying for the event doesn’t entitle us to run the show. It’s time for us to listen to dreams of the woman in front us.  We did encourage her to chase her dreams… now we have to step aside and assist while she creates.

Daughters – Daughters need to understand the financial limitations of their parents and work within them.  If you want more than your parents can afford, pay for it yourself or do without.  Being the bride does not entitle you to be a "bridezilla."  No one can argue your right to plan your wedding according to your vision.  This is one of the first memories you and your fiancé will have in your new life together.  It is yours to give him.  However, while you are busy planning your memories for your new life do not forget that your mother is busy remembering all the memories she made for you to take with you.  It is the responsibility of every daughter to give special consideration to the emotions involved in watching your child start her own family.  While your mother is proud and happy for you, chances are the idea of you moving on is very bittersweet.  Please excuse her if she nags you to wear of piece of lace from her dress in your veil.  What she really wants is for you not to forget you will always be part of her. Patience is a virtue.

Mother of the Groom – “Wear tan and don’t ask any questions."  Such is the plight of the mother of the groom.  This may be an overstatement of the issue, but the fact remains that when it comes to the wedding of her son, the mother of the groom can definitely feel jobless.  Whether they say it or not, every mother of the groom desperately wants to be a part of this huge event in her son’s life.  What can the mother of the groom do to make herself part of the planning of the wedding?  An important contribution any MOG can make is to let her son’s fiancée know that she is available to do whatever is needed to help with the big day.  By simply reaching out to your intended daughter-in-law you are breaking the ice and letting her know that she is welcome and accepted by you and your family.  Don’t wait to be asked.  Your son may not think to invite you into the preparations and his fiancée may be too timid to ask.  Traditionally it is the groom’s family that hosts the rehearsal dinner.  Get involved!  Invite the bride to come with you to look at restaurants, choose menus, go to tastings.  Ask for her opinion on decor.  Let her know that it is important to you that the rehearsal dinner be a good memory for both of you.  By offering to work with her in any capacity on wedding plans and including her in the planning of the rehearsal dinner you are setting the stage for a life time of working together. 

Finally, a month or so before the wedding, invite the bride and her mother over for lunch.  Make this a time for all of you to relax and get to know each other over girl talk and giggling about the excitement ahead.  Give your new daughter-in-law a special recipe that your son loves.  Tell her a sweet story about your son that was private until now.

Life is about to change for every one of you incredible women.  It’s a good time to connect with each other and celebrate the combining of two families and the creation of a new one.  Good luck!

About Janie Glade: Born and raised in New Orleans and a graduate of Loyola University New Orleans, Janie started her career in special event planning at the age of 23 in the sales office of the Omni Royal Orleans Hotel. In 1998 Janie started “An Event to Remember” and began planning special events across the United States on a full time basis.

After Hurricane Katrina, Janie opened “Weddings by Janie Glade”. In August of 2011 she expanded her Wedding Planning services to include a partnership with her daughter Marylyn Rigby and opened Old.New.Blue, a Wedding Necessities Boutique and Gift Shop on Magazine Street in Uptown.

Old.New.Blue: 6117 Magazine Street, New Orleans

Twitter: @OldNewBlue