Now I like a drink or seven, and my love for daiquiris is well established in my living room. That sugary deliciousness just makes a man think beautiful, exciting thoughts. He will come up with ideas that will change the world, and they usually have something to do with getting just one more daiquiri. They are just that good.
Anyway, I’m nothing if not a trend follower. So, let’s jump into the All-Louisiana baseball rankings, shall we?
SIDE NOTE: These recommendations are for people over the age of 21 only. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t do drugs. Stay in school, kids. Respect your mama. All that good stuff. OK, here we go (cup).
#1 Tulane Green Wave (33-14)
This team is hot. Like, Hansel-hot (Zoolander reference). The Green Wave have won 11-of-12 games, with seven victories in conference to grab the lead in the American Athletic conference. This team is all, “190 Octane with an extra shot, 32 ounces to-go, please.” Tulane plays Memphis this weekend at home, and would be well served to sweep the Tigers, as East Carolina is only a half-game behind the Green Wave, with six conference games to go (cup).
#2 Southeastern Louisiana University Lions (35-13)
No change, from last week, in the top three spots as they all posted undefeated weeks. The Lions dropped the bomb on Lamar’s regular season championship dreams with the sweep. I’m sure all the guys at Wiseguys Daiquiris in Hammond, over on University Avenue, were happy. If you’re not feeling a daiquiri, you can always get a jello shot at Wiseguys, because Wiseguys knows that it’s always smart to diversify one’s portfolio. They also offer wine, which I’m sure is top notch.
#3 Louisiana State University Tigers (33-16)
I never really think about daiquiris when I’m in Baton Rouge. Is that weird? I do think about beers at The Chimes, though. The Tigers have won five straight with sweeps of Arkansas and Notre Dame. But their fans might not even be thinking of Tigers anymore, as #RallyPossum fever has swept Tiger nation, after a random possum ran across Alex Box stadium’s field mid-game. After the possum was cleared, the Tigers roared back to beat the Razorbacks in extra innings. Rally Possum Forever!
#4 Louisiana Tech Bulldogs (33-14)
I’m just going to keep saying it – this team was picked to finish 11th in Conference USA. The Bulldogs are only three games out of first, and their two remaining series are against the top two teams (Southern Miss, Rice) in the league, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, there are two other teams ahead of them as well, so a lot would have to go (cup) their way to grab the regular season league championship. You know what else is good? Three words – Hypnotic Chill daiquiri.
#5 UL-Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns (31-18)
The Cajuns are the daiquiri that you’re walking around the Quarter with thinking, “Dang. I wish this was better, but it’s OK, I guess. Hey look, that green guy is naked.” C’mon Cajuns, kick it in gear, and start scaring some folks. The Cajuns lost to a ho-hum Houston ball club, and won the series (but lost a game to) an awful Appalachian State team, and Appalachian makes me think appetizer, and appetizer makes me think of chicken wings, and chicken wings makes me…that’s it I’m going to Applebees.
#6 University of New Orleans Privateers (28-19)
The Privateers split the season series with Tulane, when they lost 5-2 at Turchin stadium. I always walk to Turchin, and go out of my way to hit Fat Tuesday’s at the end of St. Charles, then loop back to Tulane. That’s because – one, I’m like Caine. I walk the earth, and get in adventures, and two – you can finish a 44-ounce daiq, with minimal brain freeze, by the time you get to Turchin. The Privateers have a big-time showdown with Southeastern this weekend.
#7 Northwestern State Demons (27-21)
The Dark Lords themselves had a rough mid-week, dropping two games to Louisiana Tech. I would guess the Daiquiri of the Beast would have a cool name like Wicked Adversary, or Tricky Deceiver. Oh, who am I kidding? It would be called Jucifer.
#8 McNeese State Cowboys (24-21)
The Pokes have been playing the way I play video games after two daiquiris – poorly. They’ve dropped seven of their last eight games. Fortunately, they beat Baylor, who are somehow awful this year.
#9 Nicholls State Colonels (22-27)
Have you even read Vincent Sbisa over at the Nicholls Worth? You should, that guy is the pride of Uptown, and Thibodeaux-famous. Anyway, when V. Sizzle is banging out sports prose in Thibodeaux he likes to stop by Norm’s for the classic, “Norm’s Adjustment.” He promises me that the drink definitely, umm, works.
#10 Grambling State Tigers (22-23)
Little known fact – there are 31,000 daiquiri shops in Grambling alone. You don’t believe me? Have you been there? Yeah, me neither. Grambling is really, really far from New Orleans. The Tigers got swept by the University of Arkansas-Pine Bluff-could-their-name-be-any-longer.
#11 UL-Monroe Warhawks (19-30)
The first time I walked into the daiquiri shop on St. Charles, and saw the video games and adult Kool-Aid, I was sure I had ripped a hole through the space-time continuum, and was now standing in a parallel universe where all of my dreams were reality. That world is called, “Marklandia.” Go Hawks.
#12 Southern University Jaguars (12-30)
The Jags ended their season, and we’re at the end of the rankings. At the end of the week, daiquiri shops often offer a gallon of that sweet, sweet go-go juice for around 18 bucks. You can get one for your whole family, or, I don’t know, just ask for one straw. It’s your world, and with summer about to unleash it’s unholy sweaty back-inducing hellfire winds on you, no one will mind.
So, get on out to those shops, New Orleans! Much like the neighborhood, they have whatever flavor you’re looking for, and daiquiris only come one way – in a go-cup.
*University baseball photos from www.lionsports.net, www.nsudemons.com and www.gsutigers.com