Collective Mind Loss
5 types of Saints fan
There’s a team called the New Orleans Saints and they will play a preseason game Thursday night against an opponent known as the Jacksonville Jaguars. It will be fun for a bit but then — like all preseason games — it will be sloppy and most likely pretty boring.
Having the Saints roster pulled up on your iPhone is highly recommended as gentlemen with strange new jersey numbers will figure prominently in this pseudo-contest. The announcers may even resort to telling a story or two about a long snapper. If you’re lucky, you may even hear talk of the moderate success of a school called Wisconsin-Platteville, which will invariably lead to a mention of Wisconsin-Whitewater, which will invariably lead to a conversation about Wisconsin-Whitewater’s rivalry with Mount Union.
Point being, it’s preseason, folks. I assure you announcers will have a lot of time on their hands.
But who cares, right? Football is officially back, baby!
So as week one of the preseason (pre-week one?) approaches let’s take a look around at some of our five favorite types of fans in New Orleans.
Black and Gold Fever
This is the mania, the fever, that look in the eye of your co-worker. No one is listening to anyone in the office for the next few months. Meetings will be forgotten about, deliverables will be half-assed and obviously created the night before and forget about any productivity the day after a Monday or Thursday Night Football game.
This is the most common fan in New Orleans. Mr. All-In. Mrs. We’re Going to Win the Super Bowl Every Year. This is why managers walk the floor “checking in” on their employees out in the cubicles, noticing flashes of black and gold disappear from screens as Excel documents reappear.
This fever-stricken fan is most likely the enforcer of your office’s Black and Gold Friday. She gives you the side eye and makes a casual comment about how the shirt you’re wearing in Week Three was the same one you had on during Week One.
Something awful is going to happen at the end
OK, I said favorite types but this is my absolute least favorite type of fan. I don’t care what history “tells you” this is just no way to live your life. For the love of God, do not sit by this fan at the bar as it is impossible to enjoy the game and then, you’ll start losing your mind, thinking this person might be the cause of ALL BAD THINGS.
Don’t do that. You’re better than that. Just get your beer, give up your seat and go stand with the fans that love the team but always show up to the bar right at kick off. Those are good people.
All draft picks are magic
This is a true believer. This is a fan with a painting of Sean Payton’s face attached to Superman’s body in his man cave. This type of fan believes in magic and can’t believe the great luck the Saints had to get that draft pick in the seventh round. How could no other team know about the greatness of this last round pick? The kid ripped up Wisconsin-Platteville for 180 yards last year and everyone knows Wisconsin-Platteville is a quality program! For some reason, it always seems this magic pick is a running back.
This is a long way of telling you to dust up on your facts about Boston Scott, the Saints 6th round draft choice out of Louisiana Tech. He could turn out to be a good running back but is he the next Darren Sproles? I guess we’ll have to wait 14 seasons to find out.
All free agents are magic (again)
This fan is just slightly older than the previous fan. He believes every wide receiver still has the wheels to compete or, heck, sure he’s lost a step or two but all he has to do is catch that ball in the red zone, the young guys can run outside. This fan will also root for any player that is 34 years or older because it’s nice to see “old” guys still kicking tail. Cheers.
This fan is also dumbstruck about how lucky (and smart) the Saints were to pick up this guy whose career will obviously be resurrected when he has Drew Brees throwing to him. Forget the fact that three weeks ago, the Saints and 31 other teams kept this player on the unemployment line. That was all just part of Sean Payton’s plan. Dude’s a genius, man.
Where I’m going with this is: I’m definitely liking the pickup of Michael Floyd, a 28-year-old receiver with over 250 career catches to his name. There’s nothing wrong with kicking the tires on some veteran help (especially after last year’s signing of Ted Ginn Jr. went so well). However, I doubt the recent pickup of Brandon Tate will amount to much since no team really needs a 30-year-old who only specializes in returning kicks.
F is for Fal-“cants"
We can’t wrap this up without recognizing the great Twitter war that is the Saints versus Falcons fans.
Twitter is glorious and an essential component to every football rivalry these days. It’s positively hilarious. The dissing between both fan bases is a treat and even local hero Steve Gleason wades into the battle every once in a while. Football season is Twitter season and don’t be surprised to see “28-3” trending in the next few weeks because Twitter also never forgets.
So here’s to all the football fans out there. Your favorite season has arrived. Have a great time this year rooting for the Saints and I hope all of your dreams come true.
And like a fine wine with a steak dinner, every game should be accompanied by a beverage and song.
Beer Pairing: Cajun Brewing’s “Cajun” Wit
Playlist Recommendation: AC/DC – “Back in Black”