First, let me address the giant cockatoo in the room — like, literally, he’s right here next to my feet, butt still wedged into the little schoolbus next to that shifty little penguin.

Many of you have asked about the status of the criminal charges and subsequent jail break (and I love you for it). Well, all I can say is I keep checking in with Avery (if you know this much about our weirdness, I suppose you might as well know my daughter’s name) and sadly she insists the felonious fowl remain at large.

I’ve questioned her on this point because reason dictates that a giant white cockatoo sticking out of a bright yellow bus would not be a challenge to locate in a small family home, but she just dismisses me with a claim that I “don’t understand all the facts of the case” and then walks away. I’m sorry, but I feel like the authorities are dropping the ball here. It’s so hard to find good dragons these days.

I do have some news, though. Today I officially gave up all semblance of hope of leaving the house for the summer and thus decided to purchase an inflatable pool — drawn, I suppose, by the allure of spending long summer afternoons with my family sitting in 18 inches of tap water.

Speaking of whiling away the time, in my first diary entry, I was very clear that I don’t think anyone should be made to feel they have to accomplish anything right now. I stand by that, but I also tend to get bored easily, so I thought I’d clarify that — contrary to what this diary has shown so far — I have been working on more than just my status as an amateur rower, style icon and crime fighter. I read somewhere recently that almost 29 million Americans are using this social distancing time to build skills. It would be fair to count me among that number, although the results have been mixed.

In the realm of baking, for instance, Avery and I did the cute mommy/daughter thing and made dozens of sugar cookies with the intent to deliver them to friends. That was a week ago, and sadly, I don’t think that’s going to happen unless I pick four friends and bring them each one cookie. That might be weird.

Like everyone out there with a sewing machine, I’ve also become a mask maker. I’m actually still in production. The idea is that as I make a mask for someone, I will do so while thinking good thoughts about them, wishing them health and wellness that will envelop them as they wear it. Namaste.

Except my machine keeps jamming and I end up screaming obscenities like I’ve just stepped on a Lego. My knee-jerk favorite starts with “mother.” I’m counting that as maternal enough.

In the area of physical fitness, I’ve started running — away from the house and my family every other day. I can’t go very far yet, but it still feels like a win. Plus, my husband enjoys coming up with new ways of expressing surprise every time I “choose to come back.” That amuses him, so win/win.

I’ve also been dancing! I’m not a good dancer. I took one of those 23andMe tests last year and it came back that I am 99.9% white. I was actually holding on to hope with that .1% until someone told me that’s just like a margin of error thing. Anyhow, for anyone that’s seen me move to music, let’s just say they would quickly arrive at those same results. HOWEVER! I refuse to be deterred from my love of the dance and I have found this lady on YouTube that I LOVE! It’s great music, fun moves, and she DOESN’T TALK.

That last part is especially important. There are two things I hate: anyone touching my feet and any workout that involves someone telling me what to do all the time.

Every other night or so now, while hubby is putting the darling to bed, “Fit Body by Ashley” and I dance. Sometimes her body does things that mine is incapable of — twerking, for instance — but in those times I just shake something, anything, and when I look up again, she’s still smiling her big smile. She’s got a ton of workouts, but I started with this one:

Finally, on the career side of things, in addition to becoming a “Corona Diaries” writer, as of today I’m officially a podcaster. (Next step, brewing my own kombucha!) I’ve always loved talking to people about what they are passionate about and then writing about it. It’s my jam. That very much includes business people around the region who happen to be doing some really cool things. While my voice is infinitely more Minnie Mouse than I would prefer, I still think the first one turned out pretty good. If you get tired from shaking your groove thing and want to sit and listen to something, here ya go.


That’s all for today. Love, hugs and virtual sugar cookies to you!