Achieving a true sense of balance can feel ever elusive. We are perpetually in search of that sweet spot between work life and personal life, juggling demands of work, family and community commitments while trying to also find time for personal growth and joy.
This quest for ‘balance’ in our lives can set us up for disappointment if we bring unrealistic expectations. It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, whether in real life or on social, and feel like we’re always coming up short.
There’s also the very real factor that one person’s sense of balance can – and does – look very different from another’s. Some people find tremendous joy in their career, and as a result, their work-life balance may seem off-kilter to those who don’t really enjoy the work they do. Our individual obligations are so different, and how we respond to these obligations is also very different.
I used to spend a lot of energy trying to create what others considered to be a normal sense of balance in my own life. Then I realized, I love what I’m doing, why do I keep pressuring myself saying that this version of ‘balance’ isn’t enough?
Instead, I’ve shifted my internal narrative to focus more on things like, how much closer do I feel to ‘center’? How much do I feel a sense of peace, versus feeling revved with external pressures?
These external pressures are often largely out of our control, so if we can use whatever bit of downtime that we do have to focus on bringing a stronger sense of peace into our spirit, we’ll be all the better for it.
Some may choose to travel to a special destination to disconnect and recharge. Not everyone has the luxury of such time or expense, though. And while a remote vacation or spa day can serve to jumpstart a wellness regime, the benefits can be fleeting. We may escape for a bit, but when we get back into real life, the pressures are still there – especially if we didn’t make a conscious change to our habits or the infrastructure of how we live our lives.
It’s important to consider how we’re creating opportunities to bring peace and positivity into our daily lives, and how we can regularly incorporate small yet significant experiences that bring us closer to our center, supporting our sense of calm and wellbeing. Here are three science-backed strategies that can exist independently or together. These have worked beautifully for my own sense of peace; I hope they can serve you as well.
Allow Ourselves to Experience Wonder
In this era of information at our fingertips, it’s easy to feel like we can immediately know anything and everything, and be surprised by nothing. Allowing ourselves to experience wonder, to truly feel a sense of awe, is something that seems to be slipping from our hyper-connected world.
Einstein referred to wonder as a precondition for life, writing that a person who lacks the capacity for wonder “might just as well be dead for he has already closed his eyes upon life.”
Arianna Huffington includes wonder as one of the essential elements in her book Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom and Wonder (Crown Publishing, 2014). Wonder is not just the product of what we’re exposed to, notes Huffington. Instead, it’s as much a product of our state of mind, our being, the perspective from which we are looking at the world.
For me, nature ignites my sense of wonder. The beauty of the flowers in our garden, the warmth of the sun on my skin. And then there’s Lucky, the duckling that we’ve raised since the day she was born. Watching her navigate the world has brought a sense of wonder practically daily. Seeing how she interacts with people and other animals, also how she has effectively connected the community as our neighbors has embraced this sense of wonder as well. Tune in to whatever inspires the wonder within you, whether it be nature, or movement or art or storytelling, hearing stories of compassion, humor and triumph.
To strengthen our sense of wonder, it’s essential that we prioritize disconnecting from the world around us, even if for just a few minutes at a time.
Huffington suggests these three simple practices to enhance our sense of wonder, reminding us to be fully present for who or what is around us.
Focus on the rising and falling of your breath. Personally, I like the 4-7-8 breathing technique, breathing in for a count of 4, hold for 7, then exhale for 8. Focused breathing is one of the simplest strategies to start to bring ourselves back to center.
Find an image that ignites the joy in you and inspires your sense of wonder – it may be your child, a pet, a magnificent view – anytime you feel out-of-control, says Huffington, go to this image to help you tune in to what’s around you.
Forgive yourself for any judgements you’re holding against yourself or others. Look at your life and the day ahead with newness and wonder.
Prioritize Outdoor Time
This is what prompted me to write about this topic for this issue of Avenue magazine. Historically, May is one of our most beautiful months in New Orleans. Get outside, take advantage of it.
A few years ago, my husband and I had the opportunity for extended travel, the once-in-a-lifetime sort of trip where you have the luxury of time, with no set schedule – just plan as you go.
We found that we gravitated toward places and experiences that included at least some element of nature, savoring the feel of the open air. Being outdoors energized us, it fueled us. And it’s not just us. Research shows that exposure to nature is a vital component of our emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. Spending time in nature – whether a rainforest or an urban park – can brighten our mood and reduce feelings of depression and anxiety.
In his book, The Happiness Advantage (Crown Publishing, 2018), Shawn Achor emphasizes the importance of making time to go outside, noting that spending 20 minutes outside not only supports a positive mood, but also broadens our thinking and improves our memory.
Even after we returned home after our travels, the experience flipped our routines upside down. We’ve since continued to adapt much of our daily routine to spend more time outdoors – especially to start the day.
During the gorgeous months here in New Orleans, it doesn’t have to be a tremendous commitment to reap the physical and mental benefits. Meet a friend for a walk-and-talk or a coffee outdoors, request a patio table at the restaurant, consider if there are elements from your workouts that you can take outdoors.
Make Space for Stillness
Stillness is everywhere, yet too often we edge it out with distractions, overextending ourselves and filling any bit of downtime with events and endless to-do lists.
Ryan Holiday’s Stillness Is the Key (Penguin, 2019) addresses this epidemic of busy-ness, this never-ending cascade of stimulation and information.
So much of the distress we feel comes from reacting instinctually instead of acting with conscious deliberation. Holiday encourages us to ‘find beauty in all places and things. Because it does surround us. And will nourish us if we let it.’ One of my favorite passages is on page 62: “Each of us needs to cultivate moments of silence, or stillness, in our lives. Where we limit our inputs and turn down the volume so that we can access a deeper awareness of what’s going on around us. In shutting up – even if only for a short period – we can finally hear what the world has been trying to tell us. Or what we’ve been trying to tell ourselves.”
Ultimately, we’ll never have all the answers, nor should we. The reality is that our sense of center is a moving target, one that shifts throughout our lives as we grow and evolve and our circumstances change.
The important thing is that we continue to nourish our mind and spirit with continued learning, inspiration and support to best find and celebrate our sense of center in the moment.
Recommended Reading
Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday is a go-to book, filled with underlines and notes in the margin.
For those who are data-driven, The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor is an entertaining, easy to read summary of research by a Harvard professor who studies happiness for a living.
Arianna Huffington’s Thrive was a game-changer for me. It hit shelves at just the right time, at a point in my life that I didn’t know just how much I needed it. In the years that have followed, I’ve returned to the words on these pages time and time again. Each time different elements resonate with me, relevant to whatever I’m experiencing at that moment.