I received an email from TheKnot.com a few days ago that told me, “Only 17 months left until your wedding!” I started to question our decision to wait until October 2010. What is stopping me from marrying Brandon tomorrow at City Hall in a white suit, a la Carrie Bradshaw? Why not just elope to Las Vegas and get it over with?
This also came in conjunction with a very chilling season finale of Grey’s Anatomy last month. This TV show contemplates marriage as a union and not as an event. Big weddings are rather taboo to these surgeons because they don’t have the time to plan and execute a big event – they’re too busy helping other people live to execute their own. One of the characters in the finale said the following line, which I have made one of my mantras, “I think it’s important to take the time to tell the people you love how much you love them, while they can hear you.”
I love Brandon. He can hear that every day. So why are we going through this huge wedding, with now 17 months of waiting, simply to make our union official? It seems rather ridiculous to wait this long when we know for sure this is it – love, marriage, a future of eternal happiness. Why wait?
I understood immediately the answer I was looking for. It’s not that we are waiting to be unified; it is that we are waiting to show everyone the commitment of our unity. I thought of this analogy – when having a housewarming party, there are a number of preparations one must take. You’ve probably already had your immediate family over to see the house and they may even help with the preparations leading up to your big “event.” You take out the good dishes and clean the window sills 50 times. You light candles and put out hand towels in the bathrooms. You show everyone the house in its best possible form. Some people wait months after moving in to have a housewarming party. Some have it right away. It definitely depends on the couple – and, by couple in this situation, I mean you and your house.
It is the same for engaged couples. We could have our wedding next month if we wanted, but it would only be immediate family. If we wait to have our wedding next year, we will have the financial stability and commitment to the wedding “event” necessary to host such a huge party. We fell in love with each other years ago and we’ve waited this long. I can wait another 17 months and so can my fiancé (though patience is a virtue that I don’t know very much about).
What can I do for the next 17 months that will make the time pass quickly? I know I will change my colors and theme a couple of times, and I’ve already chosen my reception venue, photographer and church. I believe it’s important to have that original “housewarming” for our family and wedding party to get to know each other and to help with wherever the next 17 months will take us. We’ve chosen wonderful people to stand with us, which you can see in the picture I’ve attached. This was taken at a “pre-engagement party” party, where all the attendants were formally asked to be members of the wedding party. This was one of the most important decisions Brandon and I had to make, as you will be able to see in my next blog. Until then, I strongly suggest everyone tell someone they love just how much you love them. Thinking it makes it possible, but saying it makes it real.