When children are babies or toddlers, safety is paramount. We spend every waking hour and, at times, sleepless nights ensuring our children’s safety. While this safekeeping is overwhelming and exhausting, it is decidedly more straightforward than when they can walk and feed themselves, use devices and begin to interact with the world beyond you. In their first few years, you can put them in their crib or playpen, and buckle them into a car seat or stroller. They rely on you for everything, and you have control over what they eat, drink, see, hear and do.
Not so once they are a decade or so old, then quickly become a ‘tween, and a teenager.
So how do you begin to adjust to a countless list of new worries, some of which you aren’t even informed enough about to counterattack? How do you take that extreme attentiveness that you had for years and refocus it?
The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance
– Alan Watts
According to Dr. Anthony Hudson, Chief of Pediatrics at East Jefferson Hospital, replacing that former type of omnipresent attentiveness for some good old-fashioned attentiveness, also known as listening, is a great place to start.
“To keep families safe, parents need to be present. At a young age, you must be present in the moment. We live in a world full of distractions and it’s in those moments where toddlers get hurt. As children age there is a gradual transition where parents must learn to listen to their children in a way that allows them to be comfortable to talk to you.”
But going from managing a toddler to being mystified by a teen is rough, and it’s not as simple as putting safety latches on the cupboard doors.
Yet it can be as simple as pausing – and putting down your phone.
“Screen time is a part of everyday life. I believe the key to managing your child’s screen time is the example parents set. Parents need to be present in the moment and not on screens when they are with their children,” Hudson said.
It seems that being present is one simple way to begin to learn this new complicated safety dance. And like every new dance, it can be awkward at first, but it gets easier. You just need to keep practicing the same steps over and over.
Do Something Offline Together
LCMC Health encourages parents to limit a teen’s screen time to less than two hours daily and to encourage activities “that call for more movement.”
“Teens need at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity on most days for good health and fitness and for healthy weight during growth,” according to their website, staywellsolutionsonline.com.
They suggest planning and preparing a healthy meal together once a week and to “take their [teen’s] suggestions, when possible, regarding foods to prepare at home.”
Sharing offline time together may be the best recipe for creating more health and safety in your ‘tween and teenagers’ life. And – perhaps dancing in the kitchen while the rice cooks?
Online Safety
In a study published in June 2024 by the Journal of American Medical Association, a remarkable conclusion was made: There is not enough evidence to say that social media causes changes in adolescent health at the general population level.
”While the science suggests there is a link between social media and mental health, there is often a lack of clarity on whether social media is influencing an individual’s mental health or whether an individual’s mental health is influencing their use of social media,” said Dr. Sandro Galea, chair of an ad-hoc National Academies committee that authored the analysis of research and dean of the Boston University School of Public Health.
Only you know your child and how they respond to social media. Do they feel better or worse after getting off their phone? Do they use social media in a positive way, to connect with peers, learn skills, or do they use it just to scroll and troll? Does checking social media make them feel insecure and upset or does it make them want to share something new with you?
If you talk with kids about their social media experiences, you may be surprised to find that they don’t like social media as much as you assume they do – or as much as their screentime seems to say. By hearing about what they want and need from social media, you may learn about its positive merits as well as the pain it may be causing and together talk about alternative inputs and outlets.
Parents must be mindful of their screentime as well. By following the same rules related to screentime, you are building trust and mutual respect that will go a long way as your child ages and starts to turn to you for advice, consolation, and comfort.
Social Media Sunburns
A significant uptick in tanning and downturn in this generations’ use of sunscreen seems directly related to social media trends. According to a March 2024 article in “Allure,” “There are more than 300,000 videos tagged #tanning on TikTok, and the phenomenon has been building for a few years. In 2023, bronzing hacks like using beer as a tanning accelerator – yes, pouring beer on your skin and soaking in it – went viral, inspiring a new generation to bake their skin to a golden-brown crisp.”
In May 2024, Neutrogena conducted a survey to assess the skincare attitudes of Gen Z (born 1990-2010) and discovered that 61% of Gen Z believe that sunburns will eventually fade into tans, 48% think that developing a base tan can prevent sunburn, and 45% choose tanning over skin protection.
According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, melanoma is the second most common type of cancer diagnosed in 15-to-19-year-olds, and the most common form of cancer affecting young adults between the ages of 25 and 29.
But how can you possibly be cooler than a hot trend and expect your teen to listen to you – and science – rather than social media?
An article in “Parenting” magazine entitled, “Five Ways to Teach Children to Think for Themselves,” suggests allowing children to make mistakes is key to shaping a critical thinker. “Listening before speaking is key when it comes to boosting their confidence and allowing them to grow as an independent thinker…kids shouldn’t fear thinking for themselves because they might make a wrong decision, they should grow to understand that trying out their ideas is a process, and mistakes will just allow them to make better decisions as they move through life.”
While beer baking for a sunburn is a mistake that we all hope our own teen avoids, we must accept that mistakes will be made. But enabling your child to voice his or her ideas, concerns, opinions, and worries, (and dancing with them rather than always leading the dance), can strengthen the likelihood of them making better health and safety decisions.
Keeping It Real: Talk to Your Teens
When asked, many local moms, such as two we talked to for this piece, said that talking directly and plainly with their kids about health and safety was their way of managing the minefields of adolescence and young adulthood.
“We have real conversations, in age-appropriate ways, to talk about safety away from the home, especially because teens like to attend events with groups of friends or patrol the mall. We talk about staying in groups and never going anywhere alone, staying aware of your surroundings, and being conscious of who is near you. We talk about trusting your gut and knowing if something feels uncomfortable and options to leave the situation.” – Rachel Ledet, mom of four, business owner, blogger
“Even though my children are older now, every time they go to a friend’s house to swim in their pool or are invited to a lake house we sit down and talk about water safety. As parents we always expect other parents to do the right thing and enforce safety rules, but unfortunately, that is not always the case. Make sure your child knows your expectations of them before they get in the water, and at the end of the day, if you are uncomfortable with the situation, keep them home.” – Christine Berry, camp professional, teacher, and mom of two daughters ages 11 and 15
No matter what age, sitting down and talking about health and safety is necessary and if employed regularly, will not seem extraordinary. And if you practice your listening skills regularly, then the moments when you need to tell them something, you will notice that they are listening to you, too.
Parenting is a dance between making memories and letting go, a delicate balance of holding on and encouraging your child to soar to new heights.
– Karen Salmansohn
