Looking Back


Early this year I made some predictions. I will share with you my assessment of the result and a judgment on the overall accuracy. I hereby waive the inherent conflict of interest involved in judging my own predictions.

My prediction: “I predict that the next trendy 'Ethnic' Cuisine will be: Andorran.”

Result: Not so much. I’d anticipated four Andorran restaurants opening this year, so I was only off by four. I know of at least one venture that failed when financing fell through. Apparently, the lender discovered Andorra is not a member of the European Union and that nobody knows where it is or anything about it or its food. Cries of “it’s like Switzerland, if Switzerland were Spanish and not German!” did not solve the problem.

Judgment: Maybe Andorra will finally join the EU. They already use the Euro as the national currency for Pete’s sake! If that happens, my prediction could still come true. I’m giving this one a very tepid thumb’s up.

My Prediction: “I predict water bars with meticulously curated selections poured from taps designed in some Nordic country that, through some patented process involving a lot of umlauts, keeps the H20 'immaculate.'”

Result: If you are thinking to yourself, “Shit, did that actually happen?” you’re just like me. I don’t think it did, but doesn’t it feel like I was prescient? It does, and I was even if there is no actual place serving curated selections of water on tap.

Judgment: UNQUALIFIED SUCCESS. I was just happy to be nominated, obviously, but man did I deserve this one. I am so far ahead of the competition, there is no competition for what I do. I am res nova, baby.

My Prediction: I didn’t have another one, but retrospectively, I predict that the Saints will secure home field advantage through the playoffs via a 31-28 win over the Steelers and that on December 26 I will cook white beans in a pressure cooker with ham leftover from Christmas and though I will have to start and stop the process 3 times the beans will be delightful but my 6 year-old will eat Chef Boyardee Ravioli anyway.

Result: I should bottle this and sell it.

Judgment: You should bottle this and sell it.

Next week, my predictions for 2019! I predict they’ll be different from my predictions for 2018 and just as reliable.



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