Will Gluck’s “One Night Only” wants to be the grand reemergence of the star-studded romantic comedy, an effort which puts up an admirable shot that, sadly, clangs off the backboard. A “One Crazy Night” whirlwind romance between two objective hotties who meet by happenstance in New York City, this formula is familiar yet all the more quaint and comforting for it. Romantic Comedies, similar to many sub-genres like Slasher Horrors or Buddy Comedies, are often formulaic as a feature, not a bug; with the finest finding quirky variations in established themes and dynamics that elevate them to immortality, while even the least among them are often enjoyable if forgivably bland. “One Night Only” wants to be of this lineage, and yet can’t quite find its footing amid the quicksand suckage of its own high-concept premise; a slow self-immolation via elevator pitch and overabundance of celebrity cameos. You see, “One Night Only” is not content with being merely a meet-cute between two wayward romantics, a will they/won’t they tete-a-tete that culminates in loving catharsis. This is 2026; the “When Harry Met Sallys” of the world are fossils, trite in their simplicity, in their childlike understanding of human fallacy and adult desires. Kids these days need a hook, something meme-able if not memorable; something that’s the right brand of sexy for the chastity generation, i.e., not at all. “One Night Only” has all the pieces for a fine, cute, even poignant romantic romp through the life and times of being single in a modern American city, yet can’t help but overcomplicate the simple coupling of two people in search of love and in so doing smothers its would-be charm in the womb.
“One Night Only” is essentially “The Purge” but for sex. In the not-so-distant past, the American government voted upon a mandate that makes sex outside of the bounds of marriage illegal except for one night a year. That was three years ago, and as our film opens, the big night has arrived. Singles of every age are buying condoms off shelves like toilet paper in a pandemic, protection being a legal requirement on this most auspicious day, and are foaming at the mouth for the twelve-hour countdown clock to start. Every person is tagged with a small tattoo on their wrist, a little gift from big tech that stays red most of the year but turns green when sex is on the menu. Two such wayward singles looking for love are Allie (Monica Barbaro) and Owen (Callum Turner). Allie is a shy singer whose talents are wasted on covers of pop singles for medication ads. She’s eager to find more than sex, perhaps a connection, on the most slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am night of the year. Owen, for his part, is a humble pizza shop owner who hopes to propose to his longtime girlfriend (Maya Hawke), only to learn that she has decided to take this governmentally mandated hall pass and sleep around. Separately, the pair set out into a city gone mad with horny mania to find a little smidge of physical intimacy to tide them over for another 365 days; ultimately finding within each other not only a fellow romantic, but perhaps a future for themselves that evolves well beyond sex and into something lasting and real.
The standout of “One Night Only” is Monica Barbaro, an actress whose presence has been a welcome addition to screens since her introduction in “Top Gun: Maverick”. Wide-eyed and welcoming, Barbaro’s Allie is someone that everyone knows; that shy and attractive friend who wasn’t built for the hopscotch nature of modern-day dating, where partners are shuffled like trading cards and experience is measured in body counts. There’s no shame in this, of course; get that bag if that’s your game, and frankly, it’s easy to hope that Allie could let her freak flag fly. Beyond the borderline science fiction premise of the film, there is an almost puritanical perspective on sex that permeates these proceedings; an implication that every person must remain monogamous even though all bets are off on the intimacy front. You’d think there would be more swapping, rampant gender expression, homosexual experimentation, and overall free love mentality; if not as personal preference, then at the very least in protest of the governmental dominion over what consenting adults can and cannot do with their own bodies. The movie is aggressively hetero-normative; sidestepping the question of queerness by having Allie’s roommate say that the LGBTQ community has found ways to get around the legal restrictions, much as they always have. It’s a cute line, and I’m happy that at least one community is getting some in this promise ring-coded wasteland, but that doesn’t excuse the film for settling for the most white bread variant of a sex-crazed populace you’ve ever seen.
For a movie overtly about rampant copulation without restriction, “One Night Only” is shockingly bland with its depiction of sex, showcasing it so tepidly that I had to double-check the rating to make sure this wasn’t a PG-13 film. Sure enough, it is an R, evidenced by the language throughout, which makes its lack of sexual exploration all the more baffling. Credit to “The Purge”; at least it wasn’t afraid to sample and experiment with all the myriad ways that Americans would be down to slice, dice, and eviscerate one another if murder was legal for a single night. “One Night Only” can’t be bothered to sample its own concept for all its worth, treating nudity and anything besides mainstream movie intimacy as unworthy of notice. It’s not titillation that the movie needs more of, but instead, that sticky human center that the best romantic comedies effortlessly wade within, that thing which makes us care for the wayward babes and hunks looking for love in all the wrong places. Yet, for all its hijinks, the film somehow is more invested in the world-building of a society where the US government and AI conglomerates have commodified not only sexual agency, but also, it cannot be overstated enough, the physical autonomy of the entire populace; which on it’s face has the opportunity to draw comparisons to how close we are, literally and figuratively, to such a hell scape in our reality. But “One Night Only” has no interest in such peccadillos; it would rather spout half-hearted protestations and slip back into hetero-normative bliss, thereby ignoring that forced abstinence on an entire populace would be a sure-fire path to civil war and guillotines in the streets. Deny my healthcare all you want, poison our children’s water with data centers, and slaughter innocents in other countries if you must, oh benevolent US government; but if you come for my sex life, there will be heads on pikes. We’re a simple people but predictable ones, and not understanding that basic human instinct is perhaps the most damning of the movie’s sins. It, at the very least, could have had the decency to be funny, but it can’t even do that consistently. Talk about a disappointing one-night stand.
“One Night Only” is the kind of movie that sounds fun in a log line but falls apart catastrophically in practice, which is a shame because the movie shines when it allows Barbaro and Turner to spend genuine time together as horny human beings looking for something more than a quickie. For all the flak they get, romantic comedies are often the best at showing the gooey parts of ourselves back at us in ways that feel relatable and real. Here’s hoping that rom coms keep getting chances at the plate because they’ve been well missed from movie screens of late. So far as this one goes, it’s a swing and a miss.
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“One Night Only” is playing at Prytania Theatres at Canal Place.
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