Our Annual Survey

Haute Plates Widget Emporium and Orthodontics is pleased to serve you. To assist us in doing so more efficiently (and with less frequent occurrence of painful, burning rashes,) we ask that you respond to the following survey questions. Please print out this web page, use a No. 2 pencil to record your answers, then post the result to Haute Plates c/o this fine publication:

How much do you love Haute Plates?

1. Sooooo much!
2. More than I should, both spiritually and legally.
3. How high are the mountains? How deep is the sea?
4. Enough to respond to this survey.

If Haute Plates and a distant (but not unpleasant) relative were drowning in your presence, and you had only one life preserver, would you:

1. Toss Haute Plates a life preserver.
2. Toss Haute Plates a life preserver and then make Haute Plates a martini.
3. Cut the life preserver in half, throw the first half to Haute Plates, then giggle and throw the other half to Haute Plates too.

For whom would you vote in an election with the following candidates:

1. Hillary Clinton
2. “Jeb” Bush
3. Marco Rubio
4. Elizabeth Warren
5. Bobby Jindal
6. George Clooney
7. Zombie Thomas Jefferson (Sarah Palin)
8. Haute Plates

Would you donate money to Haute Plates for:

1. a political campaign
2. a political campaign in Chad, were Haute Plates to stand for Parliament in the Republic of Chad
3. Snacks
4. Someplace that Haute Plates could clean up a little, because Haute Plates looks like it could use a shower

What is your favorite Food Blog?

1. Haute Plates
2. I don’t read food blogs other than Haute Plates, because that would be apostasy.

When you visit this website, is it to read:

1. Haute Plates?
2. Haute Plates archives?
3. Haute Plates, then another of the excellent blogs sponsored by this fine publication?

How can Haute Plates monetize your visits to this website?

1. Provide a mailing address and tax identification number
2. Add a PayPal donation button
3. Money cheapens our relationship
4. I CLICK ON THE ADVERTISING LINKS

When you think Haute Plates, you think:

1. Virility
2. Great hair
3. Restaurants
4. I CLICK ON THE ADVERTISING LINKS
5. Cooking and recipes
6. That sensation where you feel warmth and happiness when you think of someone, but a little angst too, because despite the fact that you have a good job and a comfortable life, you’re not emotionally fulfilled and sometimes when you look at your dog you think maybe he’s living the life you were supposed to lead? I think there’s a word for it in German, or something.
7. I AM CLICKING ON THE ADVERTISING LINKS NOW

Do you enjoy the photos that sometimes accompany Haute Plates’ excellent writing?

1. Yes
2. No, I have poor eyesight.

How would you improve your Haute Plates experience?

1. More Haute Plates!
2. “Improve Haute Plates?”
3. Add scent [ed. we’re working on it]
4. I WOULD LIKE MORE ADVERTISING LINKS

What color do you most associate with Haute Plates?

1. Red
2. Blue
3. Burnt Sienna
4. Unicorn
5. Liver (calf)
6. Liver (beef)
7. Unctuous

Why?

1. Because it is there
2. Because it was on fire
3. Because it was not there, so I had to make it, then set it on fire
4. BECAUSE A LINK I FOLLOWED FROM HAUTE PLATES TOLD ME TO
5. Burnt Sienna

“H,” silent or no?

1. Silent, like “oat”
2. Spoken, like “hoat”
3. Spoken, like “EYE OF THE TIGER”
4. …

Haute Plates thanks you for participating in this valuable and emotionally fulfilling process. Haute Plates thinks you’re swell.