There are a lot of things that I think are fun to argue about. Some of them are incredibly low-stakes and yet still get me fired up.
For instance, a couple of years ago, I was in a Facebook group that did March Madness-style brackets for genres of food. Based on the fecklessness of so-called democracy, cinnamon rolls won as “best brunch food.” I was livid. I’m still livid.
NO ONE orders cinnamon rolls for brunch. Brunch is when you order bananas Foster pancakes or chicken and waffles or eggs Benedict or crab cakes with poached eggs or a chili-cheese omelet. A cinnamon roll is what you grab at a coffee shop when you’re going to be late for work but you stop anyway to treat yourself. If you make cinnamon rolls, plural, that’s appropriate for feeding a bunch of kids after hosting a sleepover. You might pick up a cinnamon roll to round out your dozen when also getting some glazed and filled donuts. But for crying out loud, people, IF YOU GET CINNAMON ROLLS AT BRUNCH, YOU’RE BRUNCHING WRONG.
Look, to me, cinnamon rolls are a complete waste of calories. I always go salty over sweet, and cinnamon is not really my favorite spice on the spice rack. But even if you LOVE cinnamon rolls, if you’re being honest with yourself, they’re just not a brunch menu staple.
I will – and did – argue that case vehemently.
But when it comes to arguing other points on Facebook – is racism real? is COVID-19 a liberal hoax? why should I wear a mask? – I just don’t have the mental energy.
I’ve seen people insisting that masks cause carbon dioxide poisoning. That 5G is spreading COVID-19. That they don’t see color.
I’m not interested in engaging in any of those debates. They’re not worth defending, and at the end of it all, no one’s minds will be changed.
The first time I went out of the house after people really starting wearing masks, I will admit I teared up in line at Castellon’s Pharmacy. Watching a tiny kid in front of me bravely adjusting the elastics on his ears made me sad for how quickly anything can become normal and for how different the world looks now. But not wanting to wear a mask or see people in masks because you want the world to still be the same as it was back it February … dude, me too, but that’s magical thinking, and it doesn’t work.
Masks pretty clearly do seem to work, and even if they don’t, you’ve really lost nothing by wearing one. (No, not even your civil liberties.) I honestly don’t find masks uncomfortable, which is notable because I can’t stand scratchy tags, tight elastic, fabric around my wrists, socks with seams, pajamas with sleeves, pinchy shoes, or Spanx. But even if you do, I feel like most people can suck it up for 15 minutes in Rouses. Yes, there are people who genuinely can’t wear masks, and I respect and acknowledge that, but I think the majority of people not wearing masks right now just don’t WANT to.
If you’re anti-mask, I doubt that I’m going to find common ground with you on that issue, even if I beg you to think of my 82-year-old father who sometimes needs to leave his house even though I bring him groceries, prescriptions, and audiobooks at least once a day. Even if I tell you that my 8-year-old child with sensory issues can wear a mask to go to the doctor because she understands the concept of community and protecting others. Even if I try to share the science behind it.
If, however, you’d like to try to argue that cinnamon rolls are even a brunch food in the first place, let alone the SUPERIOR brunch food, please state your case in the comments.
