Seasonal Delusion Disorder: Conjuring Autumnal Vibes
My seasonal delusion disorder has only gotten worse over the years. You see, in my home state of Kentucky, the full four seasons show up without fail, year-after-year in all of their glory and misery. I haven’t lived there in 19 years, and while the dead of winter is dead to me, I simply can’t quit fall, y’all. If it won’t come to me though, I’ll conjure it up by any means necessary. It’s of course challenging to embrace autumn when it’s 87 degrees outside, but if you are persistent, it’s possible to temporarily bewitch yourself, so to speak.
For example, on Wednesday night, despite it being around 83 degrees with 73 percent humidity at 7:30 p.m., I settled into the sofa with a big bowl of my homemade veggie and bean soup and cued up a witchy show for some spooky season coziness. It was magical. This particular seasonal spell works best if you add a lot of air conditioning. This way you can cover up with a fuzzy throw blanket. Light a spicy candle and you might as well be in Maine. Seasonal candles are of course a mandatory tool for those summoning the spirit of crisp October days and nights, particularly when the New Orleans weather insists on living out the final days of its hot girl summer. I can’t be mad at it though, because I do appreciate the numinous feel of a season in which it’s appropriate to eat both a fruity sno-ball and consume pumpkin-flavored fare.
There is no such thing as too much when it comes to enchanted evenings at home. Mull the wine! Carve the pumpkins! Roast the chestnuts! It’s like an incantation — light a spiced candle, repeat it three times and a pile of golden leaves will appear in your yard. Don’t worry, you can’t call up an evil spirit by accident. The worst that could happen is that you’ll invoke a Friendsgiving, someone will show up at your house with a pumpkin pie and frankly that’s the kind of sorcery we all need in our lives.
Speaking of pie, if you aren’t bewitching others with baked goods, do you even like fall? Let’s face it, hand-cut dough leaves are the closest you are likely to come to leaf peeping in these parts so grab a bag of pecans and a pastry wheel and get to work. Apple pie is also quite charming.
If you play your tarot cards right, you’ll be having an enchanted autumn faster than you can wave your magic wand and oh my god yes, I’ve overdone it with the witchcraft puns, but I have no regrets. Happy fall, y’all!