Slime Time Faceoff
A mother-daughter debate
Point: I Am So Freaking Sick of Slime
By Eve Crawford Peyton
I’ve lived through phases before. The Obsessed With Elmo phase. The Only Eat Chicken Nuggets phase. The I Can’t Bear to Be Separated From You Even for the Time It Takes You to Pee phase. The Just Randomly and Suddenly Naked phase. The I’m Going to Pretend to Be Boneless in Order to Not Have to Do What You’ve Asked Me Politely to Do phase.
I’ve lived through fads before. Silly Bandz. Puffball headbands. Pokemon Go! Fidget spinners.
And yet there has never been a phase or a fad I am more eager to wave goodbye to than slime.
There’s bubble slime. There’s cloud slime. There’s scented slime (that gives me a headache) and “clicky” slime and beaded slime. There are several “slime brokers” at Ruby’s school who sell slime in a variety of custom scents and colors, and there is, because of course there is, artisanal slime available for purchase on Etsy, and man, if you ever want to just fall down an Internet rabbit hole, I strongly suggest reading Etsy reviews of artisanal slime. (“This slime was very well made it smelled really good and it was the perfect cloud slime the only problem with it was that it didn’t drizzle very well but other than that it was amazing”; “I loved the free sample cloud slime you sent-candy land. The texture was perfect and the scent was to die for-5 stars for that slime. The jumbo squishy that accompanied it was amazing- also five stars. Every other shop sends the same little panda. I can't even look at them anymore. Thank God you have such good taste and are so generous. As for the icee-jelly slime-I really didn't love the texture. That's just my taste-I'm sure others will feel different and I think it's exciting that you made a new and different kind of slime. This is my 9th slime from your shop and the other 8 were 5 stars.”)
I know so much more now about slime than I ever wanted to (see also: Minecraft, slow-rise squishies, “YouTubers”), but my real complaints are:
- The mess. There is dried slime on my door frame. There is wet slime on my arm because I hugged my daughter to reassure her I wasn’t that mad after she got slime all over her gym clothes, a pillowcase, a towel, and her sheets. There is a Ziploc of slime in her room, and a Tupperware of slime in the living room, and three containers of slime headed our way via the U.S. Postal Service.
- The “science.” My daughter has strong opinions on borax slime vs. shaving cream slime, but all I really care about is that she keeps stealing my damn contact lens solution. I need that. For my actual contact lenses.
- The smell. I don’t wear perfume. I use very mild soap. I wash my sheets in unscented detergent. And so the smell of Barbasol mixed with weird fruit extracts and laundry soap feels like an actual assault on my senses.
- Actually I just hate it all. Go away, slime. Your 15 minutes are up.
By Ruby Crawford
Am I prop or op? I’m prop, right? Prop usually goes first, Mom. But it’s your blog, so OK.
They make slime scents specifically so slime doesn’t smell bad. I am buying a scented slime tomorrow, and I got to pick the scent, and it’s mint. You can use essential oils to make it smell like you want.
Also, I haven’t stolen your contact solution in a long time because I don’t make slime any more. I buy slime. From professionals.
Thirdly, true, it does get all over, but you can clean it up just with warm water.
I like slime because it’s stress-reliving and you can make really satisfying pops with it. Also, people have gotten famous because of slime. Have you heard of Glitter.slimes or snoopslimes? They’re famous on Instagram and YouTube and have an online store, all because of slime.
I like all of the varieties, and I personally like clicky slimes and butter slimes the best.
People make profit off of slime, and, like, it’s just a trend and a trend can go “plonk” at any time and it will go in and out of style, so it’s probably not the best way to make a living, but still, if it’s working for people now and they’re making money, that’s great.
Slime is very important because people can feel proud after making a batch of slime and full of self-confidence. It can also relax you. And underrated slime shops can get reviewed on YouTube, too.
There are so many ways to make it, so you can make it with whatever you’ve got: glue, borax, Tide, shaving cream, baking soda. Glue is the key factor though.
In conclusion: I love slime, and I feel like it’s a great trend for now.