Adults Only
While exploring wedding posts on popular social media platforms such as Reddit or TikTok, one is almost sure to encounter the subject of child-free weddings. A growing trend, child-free weddings have sparked a wide range of reactions–some overwhelmingly positive and some vehemently negative, but rarely anything in between. Director of Events at Four Seasons Hotel and Residences New Orleans Ashley Blanchard, owner of the Wedding Nanny Concierge Stacie Griffin, and the team at The Windsor Court share their advice for navigating this potentially contentious topic.
All the experts concur that couples envisioning a more formal atmosphere for their big day often opt for a child-free celebration. Griffin points out that some couples envision a celebration that lasts several hours or even the whole day, which can be difficult for parents who have to take into account their children’s meal and nap schedules and also work to keep their children from being overwhelmed. A child-free wedding allows these parents to relax and enjoy themselves. In addition to thinking about their overall guest experience, some couples also take into account other logistical concerns, such as budget and venue restrictions. As The Windsor Court team notes, a child-free wedding also eliminates safety concerns about candles, glassware, stairs and balconies.
While couples carefully weigh many factors when deciding whether or not to welcome children to their celebration, they should not assume that guests will automatically understand their decision. One of the most common points of confusion is the definition of “child-free,” which can mean different things to different people. For most, it means inviting only those ages 18 and above. However, a couple could choose to include older teens or only invite children who are members of the wedding party.
However, a couple defines “child-free,” they should communicate clearly and consistently with their guests. Blanchard stresses that simple and direct wording is always the best route in these situations. In addition to this directly stating their wish for a child-free event, couples should be specific when addressing their invitations, listing by name only those who are invited to attend. RSVP cards, both printed and electronic, should also list only invited names and not allow space for additions. Information about the adults-only rule should be included in all communications, including but not limited to the invitations, RSVP cards and the wedding website. Couples can minimize confusion by not making exceptions to the clearly communicated information.
Word Choice Matters!
When planning a child-free wedding, couples should pay special attention to the word choice on their wedding website and invitation. Words such as “no” or “not” can paint the desire for a child-free wedding in a negative light. Framing the language around who is included–rather than who is excluded–prompts a much more favorable reaction. Below is some suggested language to help couples find the perfect words for their wedding.
Do NOT use phrases such as:
• No children allowed
• No guests younger than 18
• Children not permitted
• Please, no children in attendance
DO use phrases such as:
• Adult reception (18+) to follow
• We respectfully request that our wedding celebration be adults only.
• Although we love your children, this is an adult-only event.
• Please note, the wedding will be an adults-only occasion.
• In order to allow all guests, including parents, a night of relaxation, we have chosen for our wedding to be an adult-only occasion.
No matter how clearly they communicate, couples may experience frustration from guests who don’t agree with their choice to welcome only adults. This frustration could be a result of the belief that all members of a family should be included in family celebrations, or it could stem from the fact that parents will have to factor arranging childcare into their plans for attending. Our experts agree that when approached by guests who don’t agree with their choice, couples should remain both calm and consistent.
Blanchard advises responding with empathy, noting that couples can acknowledge guests’ feelings while still maintaining firm boundaries. In a similar vein, The Windsor Court team cautions couples against over-explaining or negotiating; they can simply respond by saying that they are choosing to host an adults-only celebration in order to allow their guests to relax and be fully present during the ceremony and reception. Couples may be able to anticipate who will object to a child-free celebration and reach out personally to have a conversation even before the website goes live and invitations are sent. They should also simply accept that not everyone will agree with the decision and that some invited guests may decline to attend without their children.
Griffin observes that guests who choose not to attend a child-free celebration may have concerns about childcare logistics rather than an objection to the rule itself. This can be especially true for destination weddings. In many cases, family members and close friends are also attending the wedding, and parents may not know anyone else in the area with whom they could trust their little ones. Couples planning a child-free destination wedding may want to consider arranging childcare for their guests.
When making these arrangements, couples should devote the same level of attention and care to the childcare provider as they do to all other wedding vendors. Providers should be vetted, experienced and insured. Blanchard encourages couples to “provide parents with information for the childcare provider early so they have time to coordinate the details, check out the provider’s safety certifications, and feel more comfortable with the service.” There should also be a clear way for parents to confirm whether they will utilize the childcare provided and a date by which they must confirm. As Griffin explains, this enables providers to ensure that they are “properly staffed for the number and ages of children attending.” In addition to communicating details well in advance, The Windsor Court team also suggests designating a point person, such as a member of the planning team, for childcare questions on the day of the wedding.
On the big day, there should be a clear check-in/check-out process, as safety will be the providers’ top priority. During check-in, parents should give the providers a list of allergies/medical notes and emergency contacts. Ideally, the childcare location will be close enough to the celebration for parents to say a quick hello if they wish, but far enough that noise from the celebration does not disrupt the children’s activities (especially naps!).
Ensuring that children have a safe, enjoyable experience will ensure that parents are able to make the most of their time at the celebration. Typically, making the most of time with friends and family is at the heart of wedding planning. As The Windsor Court team says, “whether they choose to include children or keep the evening adults-only, the most important thing is that the day feels unmistakably theirs, centered on the bride and groom and the experience they want to share.”
About the Experts
The Wedding Nanny Concierge
Founded and owned by Stacie Griffin, the Wedding Nanny Concierge provides premium, on-site wedding childcare for families across Baton Rouge and the surrounding Louisiana areas. Their curated play environment is designed to complement the elegance of your event.
Email: info@theweddingnannyconcierge.com
Website: theweddingnannyconcierge.com
Instagram: @theweddingnannyconcierge.la
Four Seasons Hotel New Orleans
The Four Seasons Hotel New Orleans’ landmark tower is situated on the banks of the Mississippi River, boasting riverfront views. Guests can look forward to dining on innovative Louisiana cuisine, relaxing by the resort-style pool, and hosting private events at the 34th-floor observation deck..
Address: 2 Canal St, New Orleans
Website: fourseasons.com/neworleans/
Weddings at the Four Seasons: fourseasons.com/weddings/
Instagram: @fsneworleans
The Windsor Court
Located in the heart of the legendary city of New Orleans, The Windsor Court is a haven for those seeking to experience luxury, revelry, comfort, and beauty. Their drink and dining options include traditional afternoon tea service, classic cocktails with live jazz, and fine dining for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Address: 300 Gravier St, New Orleans
Website: thewindsorcourt.com
Event Inquiries: events@windsorcourthotel.com
Instagram: @thewindsorcourt
Speech! Speech!
It’s estimated that more than 75% of the population experiences some form of glossophobia–the fear of speaking in public. Public speaking often ranks as the most common fear, surpassing even death. Yes, some people would literally rather die than speak in public! Given this widespread phobia of public speaking, it’s no wonder that the idea of giving a wedding speech can be daunting. Here to help put fears at ease are Adrienne Brink, Founder of Uncommon Camellia, and Kristen Rauch, Owner/ Lead Planner at PK Weddings and Events.
Speeches are typically offered at both the rehearsal dinner and the reception; they may also occur at less formal points in the wedding weekend, such as the welcome party or after party. No matter when they give the speech, the person speaking should always stand. In addition, if the hosts want to make a speech, they should always speak first.
If speeches take place at the rehearsal dinner, Rauch recommends no more than six. She advises that all speeches should be planned and that a list be created ahead of time. This list could include, but is not limited to, the names of the speakers, when they will be speaking (all at the end of the evening in a particular order, or perhaps one at the beginning, one between the appetizer and entree, one at the end of the evening), and a time limit for each speech.
Rauch stresses that only those asked to do so by the couple should speak at the rehearsal; there should be no “open mic” portion of the evening. Brink, on the other hand, sees a place for impromptu, unsolicited toasts and speeches at less formal rehearsal dinners and other parties. These spontaneous outpourings of love, when done right, can become memories the couple will treasure for a lifetime.
Remarkable Remarks
Brink and Rauch offer helpful hints to ensure that your speech is memorable–in a good way!
DO
• Respect the time limit the couple has set
• Stand while speaking
• Use the microphone
• Speak from the heart
• Write your speech on paper or a notecard, and keep it securely in a pocket or designated place in your handbag
• Keep the focus on the couple
• Practice the speech ahead of time
• Use your own words and be yourself
• Tell specific stories about the couple’s good qualities
• Introduce yourself and your relationship to the couple at the beginning of the speech (e.g. I’m Brittany, Megan’s sister and the Maid of Honor)
• End the speech with best wishes for the couple
DON’T
• Intentionally embarrass the groom or bride
• Use your speech as an opportunity to get something off your chest
• Plan to read your speech from your phone, because wifi is not guaranteed and batteries unexpectedly die
• Make the speech about yourself
• Lean on cliches or quoted material
• Try to be someone that you aren’t
• Be overly general about the couple’s good qualities; instead of saying “they’re both so kind,” tell a story that demonstrates their kindness
While they have differing opinions about unplanned speeches, both experts concur that they should never, ever happen during the wedding reception! Brink points out that the wedding planner, as well as others in charge of the mic such as the bandleader or DJ, will have a list of who is supposed to speak, and they will most likely put a stop to any attempts to impulsively grab the mic. Generally, those on the list of reception speakers will be the parents of the couple, the maid of honor, the best man, and maybe one other person who has played a significant role in the couple’s journey toward their life together. The experts both advise no more than three or four speeches at the reception.
After the couple decides who they would like to make speeches in their honor, they should approach those people as soon as possible. Couples should let potential speechmakers know why they’re being asked (e.g. “I couldn’t imagine getting married without my best friend making a toast”). Couples should approach their loved ones about speeches as early as possible in the planning process so that there is ample time to write and rehearse. Asks should be made at least 30 days before the wedding date, but ideally long before.
When approaching loved ones about possibly making a speech, couples should provide a general timeframe for the length, such as 4-5 minutes, in order to clearly set expectations from the beginning. If someone expresses genuine terror at the thought of speaking in front of a room full of people during the reception, the couple could consider a lower-stakes alternative, such as asking that person if they would be comfortable making at toast at the wedding shower or even privately in the bride’s or groom’s suite as a small group is getting ready. Working with folks’ limits and providing clear information from the beginning help ensure that those asked to speak will happily accept.
While in the process of asking loved ones to speak and finalizing the list of speakers, couples should also be working with their wedding planner to think about how speeches will work with the couple’s vision for their big day. As Rauch emphasizes, speeches can notably impact the flow and tone of the event: “If you are having a seated dinner and your wedding day reception lasts five hours, then I think it is appropriate to do [all the speeches] on the wedding day. For a three-to-four-hour reception or party event in New Orleans, speeches can dramatically change the mood. You don’t want to be in the middle of a great dance party and change the tone with a speech.” In these instances, it might be best to do all speeches during the rehearsal dinner.
Whether at the rehearsal, reception, or any other point, Brink emphasizes that “Guests want to know the couple better–how they connect, what they love doing together, how they met. They want the love story that only their closest friends got to watch from the front row. When a speech delivers that, people remember.” When delivering their remarks, speakers should always use a mic, no matter how well they can project their voice. The mic will have already been adjusted to the acoustics of the space, and amplification helps ensure that guests with hearing loss do not miss a word.
These words should sound like they actually come from the speaker. If someone naturally speaks in a certain rhythm, this is not the time to change that rhythm to sound more formal or refined. If a speaker is not naturally funny, this is not the time to try for a laugh. If asked to give a speech, simply be yourself. Do not worry about trying to sound polished while writing; the polish will come from practicing beforehand.
Even with practice, a speaker (especially a nervous one) may fumble a bit, and that’s okay. At the end of the day, the speech does not have to be perfect. It just has to come from the heart.
Meet the Experts
PK Weddings and Events
PK Weddings and Events was founded in 2017 by New Orleans native Kristen Rauch. Their team of dedicated professionals will seamlessly make a dream wedding or event into a reality, allowing clients to experience the joy of planning without the stress! Their full wedding planning services offer support from day one; their “month of” coordination services allows couples to enjoy the final stretch of their engagement; and their “day of” services ensure that couples can be fully present in the moment while a professional handles the details.
Phone: 504-329-6759
Website: idobypkeventsnola.com
Instagram: @pkeventsnola
Uncommon Camellia
Founded by Adrienne Brink, Uncommon Camellia has evolved into the largest and most highly reviewed wedding planning and design business in the Gulf South. Uncommon Camellia provides wedding design, planning and coordination through qualified and vetted contractors who have completed their internal training program. This training ensures that every team member understands their uniform processes, has access and competency in utilizing UC’s trademarked tools, and is thoroughly supported to provide the same level of professionalism and excellence to every client.
Phone: 504-224-9895
Website: uncommoncamellia.com
Instagram: @uncommon.camellia
Effortlessly Attired
When envisioning their wedding, many couples think not only of the day itself, but also of the photographs they will have for years to come. They imagine a wedding album filled with memorable moments, such as the first dance and the cake cutting, and the smiles on the faces of those celebrating with them. While photos freeze these moments forever, much more difficult to preserve is the overall tone of the celebration–is it formal? casual? trendy?
Future generations flipping through the photos can get a sense of the tone by looking at the guests’ attire, which should be a reflection of the atmosphere the couple wants to cultivate. Renowned for their artful and innovative invitations, Margaret Jones of Scriptura and Betty Hunley of Betty Hunley Designs share suggestions for ensuring guests’ attire is on point.
Often, the wedding venue will be a huge determining factor for the event’s attire. For example, a beach wedding lends itself to a more casual atmosphere and light, breezy fabrics, while an ornate historic ballroom requires formal attire to match its elegance. If this venue is far from where most of the couple’s guests live, as is the case with many destination weddings, the couple will want to consider attire that is easy to pack, Hunley notes.
In addition to the venue, many other factors may come into play when deciding the attire. The time of the ceremony is one such factor, as events beginning after 6:00 p.m. have traditionally called for formal attire. The season is another aspect to consider. Especially in New Orleans, as Jones points out, couples marrying in the sweltering summer months may want to avoid black tie in order to keep their guests comfortable! Finally, Hunley suggests couples think about their guests’ budgets. For example, if they know renting a tuxedo could be cost prohibitive for some guests, a couple designing a more formal event may choose black tie optional rather than strictly black tie.
What Am I Supposed to Wear?
This quick guide offers definitions of some of the most popular dress codes, assuring you’ll arrive at every wedding looking effortlessly attired!
White Tie: The most formal; floor-length gowns for women; black tailcoats for men
Black-Tie: Formal evening affair; tuxedos with black bow ties; ankle-length formal gowns
Black-Tie Optional/Preferred: Tuxedos or dark suits with dark ties; floor-length, ankle-length or cocktail dresses
Formal: Dark suits with ties; sophisticated cocktail dresses or gowns
Cocktail: A balance between elegant and comfortable; suits with ties; knee-length, tea-length, or midi dresses
Semi-Formal: Polished but relaxed; dress shirt and slacks (tie optional); below-the-knee dresses, dressy skirts and tops or elegant pantsuits
Festive: Similar to semi-formal or cocktail, but allows for bold colors, unique silhouettes and bright accessories
Dressy/Smart Casual: Often worn during daytime events; blazers with chinos; sundresses with heels, midi dresses, or tailored jumpsuits
Casual: Polished, comfortable attire; dress pants and a collared shirt; sundresses with sandals, floral prints; no denim or sneakers
Come As You Are: Anything, including denim and sneakers, that makes guests feel comfortable (except white)
Theme: From Star Wars to Great Gatsby, the possibilities are endless. Regardless of personal style, go with the flow and have fun!
All of these considerations should be taken into account in the early stages of the planning process. Hunley advises deciding on attire for the celebration very soon after the couple has booked the venue. Echoing this sentiment, Jones notes that this decision should be made before the invitations are printed, and that invitations should be ordered at least six months before the wedding date.
While this decision should be made early, Jones and Hunley agree that it should not be communicated on the earliest piece of correspondence about the wedding, the Save the Date. Usually, the Save the Date offers very basic information: the couples names; the wedding date; the location; the wedding website; and the words “Invitation to Follow.”
Once guests visit the wedding website, they should be able to see comprehensive information, including information about attire. For couples requesting more unique attire that does not fall under traditional rules, the wedding website is a wonderful place for detailed instructions. This way, a couple asking that their guests dress in “winter whimsey,” for example, can ensure their guests will understand their vision without having to field dozens of calls and texts asking them to explain the attire.
Going one step further, Jones notes that some couples will even include “look books” on the website; these links contain photos of preferred fashion. The look book can also be a wonderful starting point for guests who may not readily know the difference between, for example, semi-formal and cocktail attire. The website would be the perfect place for a couple to communicate their wedding colors, enabling guests to select outfits that complement the overall decor. Guests should also be alerted if a couple is hosting a ceremony in a religious space with specific attire requirements, such as covering shoulders or removing shoes, so that they can look their best while still respecting the couple’s beliefs. Best of all, including information on the website gives guests the chance to start planning their looks long before the invitations are sent out.
When the invitation arrives, guests should look at the lower right-hand corner for attire guidelines, as both experts note. Jones observes that typically, couples mention attire on the invitation only if it is black tie, black tie preferred, or black tie optional. If not included on the invitation, attire information may instead be found on the reception card. The reception card is an especially good place for this information if the attire requires a bit of explanation. For example, if the attire is “Glitz & Glamour,” the couple would need a few lines to specify that sequins are encouraged.
In addition to spelling out the attire, Hunley points out that the invitation suite also serves as guests’ first glimpse of the celebration’s overall tone. An invitation on heavier paper with gilded engraving inside a beautifully lined envelope that has been hand-scripted by a professional calligrapher most likely signals an occasion requiring more formal attire. On the other hand, an invitation on lighter weight paper with a playful font inside an envelope with a bright, fanciful lining may suggest that seersucker or garden party attire is appropriate.
Whether garden party chic, Harry Potter cosplay, or white tie and tails, the attire should fit into the aesthetic the couple wishes to create for one of the most memorable days of their lives. Ultimately, guests attend the wedding as a sign of love and support for the couple, and attire is an outward sign that guests share the couple’s vision not only for the day, but also for the future the couple has decided to build together.
About the Experts
Betty Hunley Designs
What started out as simple doodles from a talented teen has grown into a business that has lasted over 35 years. Betty Hunley Designs offers a wide array of fine stationary, invitations and gifts. They provide custom design services for weddings, events and parties, ensuring the right style for every occasion. Their products, including place cards, invitations, napkins and party cups, also feature original Betty Hunley designs.
Address: 6057 Magazine St, New Orleans
Phone: 504-895-2870
Website: betty-hunley-designs.myshopify.com
Book an appointment: betty@bettyhunley.com or heidi@bettyhunley.com
Instagram: @bettyhunleydesigns
Scriptura
Located on Magazine Street, Scriptura has provided stylish stationery, invitations, party supplies, and etiquette advice for over 30 years. Scriptura’s client list includes queens of carnival, national event planners, large scale businesses, and countless brides. Scriptura’s hallmarks are its in-house letterpress studio and award-winning illustrators and designers. In addition to creating the perfect invitation for every event, Scriptura offers a well-curated collection of writing instruments, inks, Italian leather-bound journals, stationery, desk accessories and sophisticated paper products.
Address: 5423 Magazine St, New Orleans
Phone: 504-897-1555
Website: scriptura.com
Weddings: scriptura.com/weddings
Instagram: @scriptura_nola
