The summer has been a bit strange, as at times it has felt like it was rushing by, and at other times it's felt as if it's trudging along at an agonizingly slow-as-molasses pace … such as this morning when I left my house and it was in the upper 80's.

The fall has always been the best season, in my humble opinion, with October being my absolute favorite, but these last few years have felt sadly lacking. It seems as if there's something almost automatic happening, as if there's just an assembly-line of products thrown at us that we're supposed to just accept. Halloween candy is the same exact candy as Easter candy and Valentine's Day candy … it's just that the packaging is orange and black instead of pastels or red and pink. Is there no candy just for Halloween? Besides candy corn … I've always thought those were kind of gross.

I just feel things could stand to be a little refreshed this Halloween season. There's a few things that just need to go away … or at least change a wee bit. Such as …



Pumpkin Everything

Ever since I was little, pumpkin pie was always my favorite holiday dessert … and as an adult, pumpkin spice lattes always took a sizable chunk out of my income once September came around and Starbucks started selling them. Unfortunately, I live nowhere near a Starbucks right now, as I'm sure the Marigny/Bywater residents would chase out such an establishment with pitchforks. I realize that there are other, much better, coffee shops out there to satisfy an autumn-flavored java craving … but sadly, it's just not the same. I fully admit to being Starbucks' bitch in this respect … but I blame them completely for the out-of-hand pumpkin-craze that we've been experiencing for the past few years.

The pumpkin is the official and unequivocal vegetable of the month of October. It's also the official scent … even though it's more the spices that usually go along with pumpkin than the actual pumpkin itself.

And hell, I'm not saying to get rid of pumpkin-stuff, because that would just be sacrilegious to the month of October … and pumpkins are just fun. You eat them, bake the pumpkin seeds, carve them up, there's just so many things to be done with them. However. I think we should start trying a few other things. Variety is the spice of life! I think that pumpkin and "pumpkin spice", i.e., cinnamon, nutmeg, sometimes ginger and allspice (maybe clove), should go on a break. There are other lovely pairings. Pumpkin and sage? Pumpkin and brown butter? Pumpkin and curry powder, garam masala, chinese five-spice. ANYTHING other than that spice bottle with the pumpkin pie on it.


(WTF? I don't remember her from the movies)

Sexy Costumes

This has just been getting out of hand. I'm actually afraid to look at this year's crop of seasonal aisle women's Halloween costumes. It doesn't matter what it is, if a man wants to be anything, be it a superhero, a video game character, or a monster … he gets to wear pants. If a woman wants to be a superhero, a video game character, or a monster … she gets to wear a skimpy piece of polyester and plastic. There's no more scary witches … only sexy ones. Same goes for vampires. Same goes for superheros.

Halloween should be fun. If you want to dress up as something "sexy", by all means, go for it … but don't feel like you have to. Also, it might be cold, so wearing pants is probably a good thing … and walking around on Halloween night in heels is definitely not comfortable, I don't care how much you have to drink in order to mask the pain.

I say that we ladies should revolt this year. We should go as something grotesque, boycott all the "sexy" costumes, we should go for comfort. And fright. We should scare all the evil spirits walking the Earthly plane on Halloween night … not attract them with skimpy plastic costumes.


Recycled Horror Movies

They're making another Insidious movie, a spin-off of The Conjuring, a remake ofPoltergeist and even rebooting Leprechaun. And a Paranormal Activity part 11 (kidding, I think they're only up to 5 or 6 now). Are there no more stories left to tell?

Also this season, we'll be treated to Dracula (Untold) … which, okay, I actually think I might want to watch. Even though there are a million other Dracula movies/TV shows. We needed to have one more, the "untold" version … because out of the plethora of other versions, there's still one more story in there somewhere.

And, Luke Evans (in armor!) … who, after watching The Hobbit movie last year, I decided I'd probably watch just about anything he was in. Basically, if he was inParanormal Activity 11 … I'd probably watch it. Integrity, I have none.