Symptoms of Football Mania

August is here and August means football. Football mania is starting to bubble over in the Crescent City and all across the globe. The thought of a Drew Brees touchdown pass to Michael Thomas, while comforting a few months ago, now elicits butterflies in the stomach. Football season is here.

Lead the charge, Saints fan. You don’t have to wait until casual Friday to wear your brand spanking new Cam Jordan jersey, wear it on a Wednesday when you have clients coming in. Or, show up at the cookout this weekend with a snappy Alvin Kamara jersey and watch your friends and family flock to you.

Here are a few symptoms that you either have or are about to experience as football mania sweeps the nation.

1. Me simply chanting the following words gets you in hype mode: Tail. Gate. Tail. Gate. TAIL. GATE! TAIL! GATE! TAIL! GATE! See? On a related note — I have never done a proper tailgate in the Crescent City. I have just done all of the bars in the CBD. And now I’m just throwing it out there that I’m great at parties and my e-mail address is to the right.
    
2. During the spring and summer you say things like, “Heck yeah. Let’s do a beach weekend.” But after the beginning of September you’re like, “Well, I don’t know. Maybe we could go Thursday and Friday or something but I can’t stay all weekend. I, um, have some important things to do.”
    
3. I don’t know if you know this but people keep making babies. You might be a football maniac if you suggest any of the following first and middle baby name combos to your friends:

   Anzalone Onyemata                    Max Rankins                          Michael Thomas
   Breesy Snead                               Mauti Hau’oli                         Harry Lutz

   Note – I am well aware that there are no players on the current Saints’ roster with the name “Harry” but sometimes comedy gold outweighs facts.
    

4. You know that the month of August is the longest month of the year, seemingly clocking in at an astounding 61 days. Is it September yet?
    
5.  You have opinions, and are more than happy to share them, about which Monday Night Football anthem is the best (the answer is obviously this one). You also like to weigh in on such important questions as who is better looking,  Faith Hill or Hank Williams Jr.? And why in the hell is it always a country singer doing the MNF anthem anyway?
   If you stroll through Youtube you can find all of the theme songs and rank them by grooviness.
    
6. If you’ve recently found yourself blurting out, “Oh, thank God! Canadian football is on!” Or maybe you’ve really got the sickness and have said something to the effect, “The CFL is all about the western division, man. They are heads and tails above the eastern. I think at this point it’s safe to assume that the Ottawa Redblacks championship last year was a fluke.”

   Fun facts about the CFL: The Redblacks did win the Cup last year after entering the postseason with a record of 8-9-1. Also, the league plays for the Grey, not Gray, Cup because Canada. Even cooler is that this past week the Calgary Stampeders beat the Hamilton Tiger-Cats by the score of 60-1.
    

7. You find yourself thinking about tight ends a lot and miss Ben Watson.
    
8. You know that the refs blew the call on the blocked field goal attempt versus Denver causing the Saints to lose 25-23, which would have been their third win in a row and put the Saints at 5-4, which would mean that they would obviously continue the hot streak and beat Carolina the next week causing a chain reaction of delicious goodness that would obviously result in a Superbowl victory.
    
9. You still love all of the 28-3 jokes told at Atlanta’s expense but in the back of your mind you know there is another “3” joke that you don’t discuss…. 0-3.
    
10. You find yourself wandering off into parks or other large bodies of grass looking for someone, anyone to throw you the pigskin.
     
11. Even though Monday Night Football is still kind of cool, you can’t believe the Saints open the season on MNF this year, thus, forcing you to wait one more day to watch the Black and Gold.

And like a fine wine with a steak dinner, every game should be accompanied by a beverage and song.

Beer Pairing: Low Road Brewing’s Irish Red Ale 

Playlist Recommendation: Alicia Keys – “Girl Is On Fire” 

Around the Way

Big shoutout to local phenom Alexis Lavarine, who won the 2017 Ringside World Championships at 154 pounds in the Girls Intermediate 13-14 year old division on July 29. Lavarine collects titles like they’re going out of style and has the goal of representing Team USA in the 2020 Summer Olympics. So what were you doing in middle school? Anyway, check out her site and enjoy the show. Congratulations Alexis!