Training camps are possibly the most boring sporting events on the planet. No, actually the NFL Combine is worse. The NFL Combine is so bad that I remember the first time I ever saw it televised. I stood dumbfounded repeatedly muttering to myself, “I can’t believe they put this on TV.” Training camps are barely better. With that said, let’s get ready for the most exciting NFL training camp known to man.
How could it not be, right? When one has nothing to do one will take anything. Even if it’s awful. Ergo, super great training camp time.
We live in an age where all kinds of nincompoops (yes, I’m bringing that word back) blame the media for everything. Politics, viruses, economy, somehow, some way it’s all the media’s fault. If you’re that type of person you really, really need to get some hobbies. Anyway, I am as anti-nincompoop as they come but I assure you we can blame the media for inflicting training camp news upon the populace. [I checked with Melanie, a member of the media, and she confirmed it.]
Training camp news is sort of like when you’re reading Twitter about some horrific event that has nothing to do with you and you could have easily gone about your day without knowing about said horrific event. Yet, there you are, needlessly soaking in news about Cam Jordan having a great day at practice. In reality, training camps can be fun. You’re out there with your boys getting better, refining and executing plays through repetition. Which is the polar opposite of reading about players getting better, refining and executing plays.
On the flip side, my heart goes out to the sportswriters of the world, even if they inflict the psychic violence of training camp news upon an innocent republic. Honestly, you might think it’s a cool job but there’s no way a grown adult doesn’t feel ridiculous about tweeting that Drew Brees just completed a 19-yard pass to Michael Thomas. On a Tuesday morning. At practice.
When I read training camp news (and by read, I mean read the headlines) I skim as fast as possible because no news is good news when its comes to training camp. You know what I’m talking about. During training camp, we’re all just waiting for that kick in the pants that is hey your favorite player who is absolutely crucial to the team’s ongoing success blew out his knee just to confirm that, yes, God hates you. OK, maybe that last bit was overly dramatic but you get the picture.
The fans are no better when it comes to training camps. I like to think of myself as a man of the people but I’m definitely giving you some side eye when it comes to talking and tweeting about practice.
The worst fan behavior concerning this very important matter is the fan going apoplectic over training camp invitees. Commonly know as training camp bodies or, to be more precise, the guys that don’t make the team. Everyone knows this but, there you are, listening to Chad from accounting going off about that obvious steal the Saints got by bringing in a defensive back from South Dakota State A&M Tech University. “He batted down a pass by Brees, man,” Chad squawks, as you pretend to listen to him. This type of fan thinks the Saints have some super secret player picking sauce. He also secretly thinks he could work for the Saints’ front office.
There’s an added twist to training camp this year, you know because, 2020. This year we don’t get the pleasure of only hoping players don’t get hurt. Nope, this year we also get to the play the game — whose got the ‘Rona?
Pelicans Training Camp
The rollercoaster rookie season for Zion Williamson continues with news that he has left training camp to attend to family matters. The rookie has only played 19 games this year.
Needless to say, the Pelicans are an entirely different team with the No. 1 draft pick on the court. In the short sample this year, Willamson averaged 23.6 points and 6.8 rebounds a game. He can get to the rim at will and the team posted a 10-9 record when he played. Even with the half-and-half record the Pelicans threatened every game and their upside is massive. With that said, props to Williamson for keeping family first and we wish him and his family nothing but the best.
The NBA protocol is that if he’s gone less than seven days he will only have to self-quarantine four days. He will be tested every day and if he doesn’t show positive for the virus he will be able to rejoin the team.
The Pelicans’ rebooted season starts July 30 at 5:30 p.m. against the Utah Jazz. It will be an eight-game sprint to make the playoffs. Hopefully, Williamson will be there every step of the way.
And like a fine wine with a steak dinner, every game should be accompanied by a beverage and song.
Beer Pairing: All Relation’s “Spaghetti Models” Berliner-Style Ale
Playlist Recommendation: Alice Cooper – “The Man Behind The Mask”
Around the Way
The NFL has the luxury of not starting the season until September, but training camp is right around the corner. So far, baseball and hockey have fared pretty well without any major coronavirus outbreaks, but football will be a completely different animal. Here’s hoping our Saints and everyone involved make it through this insane time.
Wear a mask.