If another person asks me what I thought of the latest Jersey Shore episode or Real Housewives of New Jersey, I think I’ll scream. Or throw a fit. Or take a step on my soapbox. I loathe these shows. I really do. Better yet, I gag at reality TV altogether — especially shows that supposedly depict Jersey life in all its Botox-filled, ultra-tanned, neural- numbing, Soprano glory. Enough already.
Sure, buxom bimbos exist in the Garden State, but so do brilliant scientists, artists, teachers and responsible stay-at-home moms, all of whom would be much better candidates to entertain today’s youth than the aforementioned vapid vixens.
Perhaps my disdain for reality TV lends credence to its popularity, thus its legitimacy, because it dominates the airwaves. As Sidney Torres would certainly attest, trash sells these days, and the same applies for TV phenomenon. The monstrous is marketable. The idiotic is insatiable. The unintelligent becomes intelligible. And the false becomes infallible.
When did ridiculous representations of Jersey characters turn into generalizations of the remaining 9 million Jerseyites? Because honestly, I do not know anyone remotely similar to a Snooki or The Situation or any of those tawdry chicks from RHNJ. Of course I know tanned guys named Vinny, and it’s common knowledge that the “the Shore” can be a sketchy place. But these shows give Jersey an even worse wrap than it already has –– Turnpike and all.
Obviously all of these shows are scripted. Nevertheless, they garner huge followings and reap hundreds of millions in revenue. Which makes me wonder: How would New Orleanians feel about a New Orleans-themed reality show? Last year there was some talk of Bravo expanding the Real Housewives franchise to New Orleans, but nothing has panned out as of yet. MTV’s Real World was set here this year, but locals didn’t mention much about it, although according to a recent network press release the New Orleans season was the No. 1 cable program on Wednesdays from 10 p.m. to 11 p.m. for viewers 12 to 34.
The reality TV spin has me utterly convinced that a show targeting a cast of real New Orleans characters would do extremely well. And at the very least, network producers would never feel compelled to fictionalize plots or hyper-dramatize, as New Orleans characters naturally thrive off color and spice.
If I had to choose a cast of local characters to star in a New Orleans-based show, my list would include the following:
• Evelyn Preuss: New Orleans socialite and co-owner (along with husband, Gunter) of Broussard’s restaurant. Evelyn’s sense of style evokes Armani, Chanel and everything super-luxe. She’s elegant, charming and can dance the night away at any local soiree. She’s definitely “fancy.”
• John and Lillian Boutte: the singing siblings. John Boutte is a local celebrity, and his catchy Treme theme song has afforded him even more notoriety. His sister Lillian was named New Orleans Musical Ambassador in 1986. At that time she was the second jazz musician to receive this honor after Louis Armstrong. Apparently John and Lillian have several other siblings, too. The more the merrier for the camera.
• Frank Stansbury: Photographer, publisher, trusted associate and event-planner extraordinaire. If Frank’s in the house, it’s a legitimate party or event.
• Christine Breaux: Publisher and social busy bee. Christine is the go-to goddess of all things pertaining to New Orleans weddings. She has a great knack for organizing fundraisers and parties, and her exuberance never underwhelms. She has a fabulous family, too, with chemistry that will dazzle any camera lens.
• Jackson Square Dance Performers: I don’t know their names, but this group of four or five guys entertains crowds with jokes, backflips and traffic-stopping antics. No script needed here.
• Kimberly Rivers Roberts: Star of Katrina documentary Trouble the Water. I would tune in to her show every week.
I can easily add at least 10 other names to the list but I’ll leave it here for now.
Who would you choose? Do you know any “characters”?