Each Wednesday, we tackle wedding etiquette. At times, it’s a reader question or one from a colleague, friend or family member and other times we’ll cover a popular issue. (Note: Questions may be edited for clarity and brevity.)
Question: My fiancé and I are getting married in New Orleans in October. I am from New York and he grew up here. Since we are at that age when everyone seems to be getting married (we have three weddings to go to before our own), we decided to not have a bridal party. 1. Because we know our friends have a lot going on in their busy lives and being in a bridal party can be time consuming and expensive 2. I have a lot of close friends that live all over the country (it would have been hard to choose) and I didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to have to travel extra, we just want everyone to come to the party and have a good time. That being said, we are having a large catholic wedding mass at Saint Joseph’s on Tulane. My Fiancé has his best friends acting as ushers, so they will be attending the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. My fiancé expressed concern that I wouldn’t have close friend representatives at the rehearsal, where speeches are likely to occur. I will be inviting my three closest girlfriends, who would have been bridesmaids if I had them, but my question is, is here another task or position I could appoint them to feel involved and included in the wedding process? (We already have ushers, readers, gift presenters.) They are invited to my suite to get ready and have thrown me a bachelorette party and bridal shower in New York. I want them to know I appreciate them and to have them participate in something special of it, but I just don’t know what!
Answer: First, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. Second, it is very thoughtful of you to want to include your friends in a special way and show your appreciation. That said, it sounds as though you have everything covered for your Big Day. My only other suggestion in terms of jobs is some brides will appoint someone act as a hostess and someone else to man the guest book or whatever it is you have people signing as a keepsake of attendees, but my guess is that will take care of itself. Instead, let them enjoy the day without a job other than perhaps carrying your “emergency” kit (for touch ups or wardrobe malfunctions), looking out for emergencies and assisting you where needed. This way they can be present and in a position of honor, but are also free to celebrate too. Also, perhaps consider having a bride breakfast or luncheon the day before or day of your wedding as a gesture of thanks and appreciation and perhaps give them a small gift, the same way you would bridesmaids. Perhaps a keepsake charm of a streetcar or some other small present to commemorate the wedding and remind them of their time in New Orleans. Cheers!
Do you have a solution to share or a wedding etiquette question? Respond in the comments or email Melanie@MyNewOrleans.com.