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Wediquette Wednesday: How many showers are bridesmaids obligated to attend?

Each Wednesday, we tackle wedding etiquette. At times, it’s a reader question or one from a colleague, friend or family member and other times we’ll cover a popular issue. (Note: Questions may be edited for clarity and brevity.)


Question: My friend is in the full throes of the festivities leading up to the wedding and I’m thrilled to be one of the bridesmaids celebrating by her side. So far, there have been four showers and there more are on the horizon. While I’d love to attend each and every one, I’m about to enter the busy season for my job and am not sure how many more I can fit into my schedule. The other thing is that, I could really use some downtime with work being so demanding and don’t want to over commit myself. How many showers are bridesmaids obligated to attend?

Answer: It’s smart of you to begin thinking ahead and considering your work schedule, as well as much-needed and deserved alone time. That’s good self-care and many of us could learn a lesson from your ability to draw healthy boundaries and give your body and mind what it needs to be 100 percent. Traditionally, bridesmaids will attend whatever is considered the main shower, which is easy to figure out, because the maid of honor or the bridesmaids themselves often host it. If possible, you also will want to make a priority of the shower thrown by either of the couple’s parents. Beyond that, it’s up to you and your schedule which ones you want to attend, but be swift with your R.S.V.P. for every event and if you commit, stick to it. Take the bride out for coffee before things get too hectic and explain to her that work commitments are about to heat up and you’ll try to attend as many of the auxiliary showers that come up, but you may not be able to make each and every one. This heads up ensures that she won’t be left wondering why you are suddenly missing in action and is a thoughtful way to get ahead of any potential hurt feelings.


Do you have a solution to share or a wedding etiquette question? Respond in the comments or email Melanie@MyNewOrleans.com.



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