Each Wednesday, we tackle wedding etiquette. At times, it’s a reader question or one from a colleague, friend or family member and other times we’ll cover a popular issue. (Note: Questions may be edited for clarity and brevity.) This installment is from New Orleans Bride Magazine’s etiquette columnist, Dee Lane.


Question: I work in a small office, less than 20 people, and most of us are women. Over the last six months we’ve all spent a lot of time with one of our co-workers discussing her upcoming wedding’s details and planning. Not one of us received a formal invitation and, as far as I know, no one asked her why. Then last week, less than a month before her wedding, she sent a group of us an email saying how important we are to her and inviting us to her wedding. Instead of making me feel important, I’m upset. If we’re so important to her, why didn’t she invite us the right way? How should I respond?

Answer: You respond by graciously accepting (if you’re at all able to attend) and celebrating with your coworker. While you’ve discussed details, you probably don’t have all the information. There are myriad variables in wedding planning, not the least two things that tend to be at the root of the touchiest decisions: money and family.

Think of the lyric from “Hamilton”: You don’t know what you don’t know.

It is very tempting to feel angry, hurt or snubbed, but that isn’t going to get you anywhere, and it might alternately hurt your friendship with your coworker and you could miss out on a good time. Your friend wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t want you to attend. So, gather with your work friends and raise a toast to working with such a close-knit group of people.



Do you have a solution to share or a wedding etiquette question? Respond in the comments or email Melanie@MyNewOrleans.com.