Each Wednesday, we tackle wedding etiquette. At times, it’s a reader question or one from a colleague, friend or family member and other times we’ll cover a popular issue. (Note: Questions may be edited for clarity and brevity.)
Question: My ex-boyfriend and I still have a few mutual friends. One of them sweetly invited me to her wedding and I really want to go, but I know he is also attending the event. Our breakup was very contentious and I’m having a lot of trouble with the idea of not only being in the same room for several hours, but also having to play nice with him. We haven’t seen one another or spoken since the breakup, which was a few months ago (which is how we both want it). I’m also worried that we are going to be seated at the same table, because only a couple of our closest friends know the entire story behind the breakup and are aware that we are not on speaking terms, whereas everyone else thinks it was amicable. What should I do if I’m seated at the same table as my ex at my friend’s wedding?
Answer: Weddings, even when they aren’t our own, have the potential to breed high emotions. It’s good that you are considering the situation and looking for guidance and solutions in advance. Discuss your feelings in the friends who are in your confidence about the nature of the breakup, so that you can talk out some of the emotions. Engage in lots of TLC toward yourself leading up to the event, especially the week of and the day after. This would be a bad time to over-imbibe, so be sure to drink moderately at the event, hydrate and keep your belly full. It sounds as though you’ll have some friends there, so keep contact with your ex minimal and cordial by socializing and dancing with friends and otherwise keeping yourself occupied. If you are seated at the same table, try to sit away from him if you can, but if not, do your best to minimize contact and conversation by mixing and mingling away from the table. The most important thing to do (while honoring and caring for your emotions), is to be nice and avoid causing drama. It’s our job when invited to a wedding to be the best guests we can be, so tap into your poise, keep calm and carry on.
Do you have a solution to share or a wedding etiquette question? Respond in the comments or email Melanie@MyNewOrleans.com.