Each Wednesday, we tackle wedding etiquette. At times, it’s a reader question or one from a colleague, friend or family member and other times we’ll cover a popular issue. (Note: Questions may be edited for clarity and brevity.)
Question: Isn’t the wedding shower a place to shower the bride with gifts for their new home? Kids are living together first, so why bother? If you’re not opening gifts, double why bother. What’s the purpose of a shower if the couple already cohabitates?
Answer: It’s true that with a lot of couples cohabitating prior to marriage, they may not need a traditional wedding shower with gifts to help them set up a home. While in the past a traditional shower was held to help couples stock up on much-needed items for their new life together, these days it’s more about loved ones celebrating the couple. Some couples, depending on their age, stage of life and finances may opt out of gifts entirely or choose to register for honeymoon funds and experiences, a home down payment fund or forgo funds and gifts for themselves in favor of a charity registry. Meanwhile, if they are younger and less established in their careers or working jobs in the lower end of the salary spectrum, they might register for gifts that upgrade their existing home and décor or fill in gaps on things they still lack. Anyone who struck out on their own while young and broke can relate to wanting to swap out the second-hand or lower quality items our budgets dictated at the time for higher quality replacements. I know I can!
To address the issue of not opening gifts at a bridal shower, it’s certainly fun for some attendees to see the bride or couple open their gifts. But I can also understand the counter opinion of people who aren’t fond of that ritual, either because they are shy (meaning the person getting the gifts) or, in the case of attendees, they find the practice tiresome and repetitive. After all, how many times can a person get excited about another tea towel? Personally, I love tea towels, and would be excited about receiving a dozen or so new ones, but not everyone is like me.
So, I suppose the point of all the above is that as friends and family of the couple, we want to celebrate and support them in as many ways as possible. If we have the means and desire, that could translate to showering them with gifts or funds to celebrate their next chapter together, whether they’ve already set up house together, won’t be opening the gifts in front of us (such as in the case of the wedding presents), have been married before and already have everything they need or any number of scenarios. If we don’t support them or aren’t very close or don’t like the way they have decided to proceed with the various festivities, we can always R.S.V.P. no and either send or not send a gift.
Do you have a solution to share or a wedding etiquette question? Email melanie@myneworleans.com.
